A little bit freaking out

I tried and tried to come up with a better title for this post, but it just didn't happen, and this title fits. The other day it hit me that next week I will be 6 months pregnant, which means 3 months to go, which really means about 17 weeks left until Eleri is born. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I have been very content with this pregnancy and not felt the desire to rush it at all, so maybe that is why it has now snuck up on me. If it were up to me, I'd just hang out in the 2nd trimester for a little longer (it has been really great). I'm excited for her birth, don't get me wrong, but I'm feeling inadequate and unprepared. We haven't even come close to deciding on bedding thanks to my picky husband:) (just kidding honey, sort of). Her "room" is still be used as my office (no big deal really), we haven't figured out where to relocate all of the office items in our previously large house that has now shrunk with the addition coming, her "birth" hasn't been paid for yet, we have no crib,....anyway the list of my worries could go on and on. But on a much larger note, I'm wondering if I can do this...another baby, plus having Mali already. I'm scared of spending my moments with Mali yelling at her or frustrated with her not napping when I need a nap so bad or pulling a "I need water, I need...." at bedtime. I'm not sure I can do it. Actually, I know that in my own humanness I CAN NOT do it effectively and as wonderfully as I know it needs to be done. The encouragement though, is that we are studying the Life of Moses in BSF right now and God has reminded me that He needs my obedience and not my ability! Good thing, because I'm pretty sure I don't have the ability. Moses had a failure to start off his calling (I've had several "failures" in my calling as mother with Mali and I'm sure I'll add some to the list this next season.) Moses argued with God about his calling (I might be there right now, "God are you sure I can parent a girl well enough, are you sure I can parent two, no I can't do it God). Moses was scared that he didn't have the ability (I don't have the ability, even though God has brought me LEAPS and BOUNDS in the mothering department, I'm still not the perfect mother.) But, I know the end of Moses' story...that God used Moses despite all of this and that Moses is commended for his FAITH and not all of his FAILURES. I just sometimes wish I knew the end of my story...but then I'd miss all the amazing mothering moments I have before me! (Like Mali calling out last night "Good-night Baby Eleri.") We have sweet moments ahead, difficult moments ahead (as two moms in two days have decided they need to tell me all about how difficult having two is), and moments we can not even fathom. I pray that I'll make it, that I'll lean on God and rely on HIS abilities and focus on being obedient and selfless. Pray for us in the meantime, for my love and attitude towards Mali, that I treasure and am wise with all my moments with her, an easy transition (its worth praying for and hoping for), and that Mali loves and cherishes her baby sister and adapts well to the change in family. Pray for me and Eric too, that we will be a team as we head up our castle of princesses!:)
Well, I need to go wipe my hormonal eyes!

We love Fall!

One of the top perks of living in Amarillo is being so close to the cabin. It is only about 4.5 hours from Amarillo, compared to the 6.4 it was from Lubbock. So this past weekend we went up to the cabin for a family get away. It was so wonderful to see the beautiful leaves, relax in the hammock, do nothing but eat and breathe in the mountain air. It was great time for our family. We relaxed a lot and enjoyed each other. Mali played outside and collected gold leaves. We got to watch the deer eat grass in the yard and ride the four wheeler around to look at leaves. Mali and I also went on a little walk Saturday morning. These were my special moments with my dad and a great memory I have. When I would go to the cabin, we would always take a special morning walk together, just us two and enjoy the outdoors and sometimes talk. It was fun to pass this along to Mali. Sunday when we got ready to leave, we stopped at Bear and Blue Lake and had a picnic lunch by the stream and let Mali fish. Since we didn't have a permit, we let her use her fishing pole with her pretend fish. She had fun with it, but kept wanting to catch a real fish. Next time we are going to try and fish for real, but we aren't sure that she is quite ready for the patience it takes. Those fishing moments make me miss my Grandpa and wish that he could have passed on his passion for fly fishing to Mali, but there is a good chance it is in her blood anyway!:)

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