Thursday, January 15, 2009

Carschooling

Carschooling-"the act of teaching while driving in the car, similar to homeschooling, but for those on the go." We have had several car schooling moments the last few days and I just had to share how smart our little/big girl is!! There must be something therapeutic about the moving car that, on occasion, can really get those brain cells going. Yesterday, we were on the way to Eric's soccer practice and I was talking with Mali about something like "you can do that if you want". And she exclaims "You put that in the can and I can go to Daddy's work. They are the same." So we talked about that. Then a few minutes later she said "And, you say no I don't want to do that and I know." I was so proud! I tried to throw in "Apples are red and I read Pinkalicious to you", but she wasn't quite ready for that one. Last night after teeth brushing time she said, "Mommy. Gum that you eat and my gum" (Yes, Mali does eat gum, that is the most accurate description of what she does with gum!). Then today she added "Mommy! I see you and I write a C". I know that there is a grammatical word for what these are, but I just can't think of it. I'm just amazed at her little brain. I asked her where she learned this and she said "I just figured it out." Also, the other night we were driving to pick Eric up from his soccer tournament and the moon was full (the largest full moon of the year) and she proudly said "the men got a ladder and climbed up there and put the batteries in and that is why it turned on." I love the childlike answers that she comes up with! We talk a lot about God and the world He created too, she is just so curious it is wonderful, but usually does not like the answers I give just the ones she came up with! Just wanted to share about our big girl. She is doing really great these last few weeks too. She loves playing with her dollhouse and her bears. She especially likes to dress them up and take them EVERYWHERE with us, and not just one but about 5. I'm letting her because I believe it is her way to play out all the changes that are going to occur in her life, and if she can mother/nurture a bear while we are caring for Eleri, all the better!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A little emotional

I wanted to wait until tomorrow to post, as I have a doctor's appointment, but felt that the emotions I'm feeling needed to come out...I needed to vent so that I don't spend all night crying. Nothing is wrong, everything is great, it is just super close to life changing. I'm sad thinking about Mali and that I'm on the threshold of no more moments with just her, I'm sad thinking about the times I've snapped at her in the last 9 months and more recent days/weeks. I'm tearful (in a happy way) at the sweet sweet moments that God has given me with Mali in the last few weeks; sitting and reading books again and again, cuddling as we watch Jon and Kate Plus 8, talking about when Mali was a baby, bubble baths consisting of "snowball fights", hearing her laugh when I tickle her (when I actually take the time). I'm nervous, okay a little scared, about having the c-section and all the unknowns, although I have perfect peace that God is going to hold me and take care of me. I feel like crying over all the relationships in my life, some in a good way and some in a sad way. I miss my brother, who is in Nepal for a month, and really wanted to pick up the phone and call him last night. I want to cry each time Eric leaves town, because I need him and his daughters need him. He is THE man (the only male) in our household and we need his strength and love. I'm sad that I'm done counseling but also happy and relieved that today was the last day that I had to leave Mali in less than ideal circumstances to come work (she is lying on a soccer field on a picnic blanket, bundled up and watching her portable DVD player while Eric holds soccer practice). All of these things make me want to cry. It doesn't help that I just listened to one of my favorite hymns. What makes me want to cry the most is thinking of the words to this hymn, and what God has done for me in my life. How He rescued me from a yucky life and took me as His own. Even though my heart is prone to wander, and not trust in His provisions or His good plan, He STILL loves me, more than anyone and better than anyone EVER has! He forgives me when I'm a bad mom, when I cry out to Him for help and confess that I yelled at Mali for such a silly reason. He loves me and he loves my girls and He is going to get us through this, and not just surviving but living an abundant life!
So long post to say, here is a video of the David Crowder Band singing "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"...the lyrics are on the video too, so read them!:)
And I end, crying, but crying out "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing...."

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The LORD is near

Exactly three weeks from today, we will have a newborn. I hope that at this time then I will be holding her and out of recovery! It is amazing to think, I can't quite fathom it right now...three weeks....THREE WEEKS....three weeks!:) I just had to share what God showed me today during Bible Study. We are studying Exodus/The Life of Moses. Exodus 33:14-15 were verses we studied this week and oh how appropriate!! That is so how God works in my life and how much of a personal God He is!
"And He (GOD) said "My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest". Wow!!! I NEEDED to hear that! Yesterday, Mali came out of her room from nap time/room time twice to have me help her dress a doll. I thought "how am I going to do this when I NEED nap time". God gave me an answer!:) Then Moses' response was "If your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here." I feel the same way and need to cry out to God the same thing....If You don't go with me, I don't want to enter into this new chapter of parenting/life. It was a great reminder to lean on God and rely on Him. The verse that the kids were taught today was Psalm 145:18 "The LORD is near to all who call on him". You better believe I will be calling on Him!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Uneventful!

Today was the beginning of my weekly visits and it was very uneventful. I was prepared for something, but nothing! Which, no news is really good news. Apparently if you are a repeat c-section, my OB does not even check to see if you are dilated. So we listened to Eleri's heart beat (154) and measured me. I'm right on target, which is great because I was measuring behind about a week. I never found anyone that was able to donate blood in my name, but my OB seems to think I won't loose as much blood this time since I won't labor first. Really, I feel a peace about it and know that ultimately God is the one in control of all of this. I've tried exerting control over the circumstances I think I can control (Blood donors, knowing if I'm dilated,etc.) but God clearly wants me to trust Him in these matters! I'm feeling pretty good, just big and tired, but trying to be patient and enjoy the moments that I have left before life gets more complicated, although more wonderful. I am a little nervous with Eric's soccer schedule. This weekend he is going to be in Coppell (Dallas area) on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I NEED him to be here for a c-section, but another area to trust God. Our tentative plan is that if he needs to come home, he will try and get a flight home as Coppell is pretty close to DFW, and flying would be quicker than driving. If I go into labor and then have a c-section, I think Megan will go in there with me as she is the closest relative and most experienced in the OR anyway (for her job). I know it will all work out and is highly unlikely that anything happens this weekend, but my pregnancy state NEEDS a plan!
The list of to-do's is trickling down too. Eric was an awesome dad this weekend and pulled out all that we need from the attic. He found a missing box of 0-3 month clothes for me (which helped ease some anxiety) and got down the swing, bouncy seat and car seat base. He even put the car seat base in the car. I wasn't quite ready for that, but better to be prepared. I was just thankful that he did so much so willingly. So, her clothes are washed and her room is ready, we are just waiting on her on that end. I was amazed at the memories that we have of Mali in most all of the outfits I washed. Those first 3 months are certainly priceless and special, maybe that is what gets you through the difficulty of the first three months!! I still have some of my own little projects to work on. Today Mali and I made her "Big Sister" shirt together so Mali is ready for the hospital trip!:) And in the middle of all the hectic-ness, we've decided it is a good time to refinance our house! Are we crazy!!! I think so, but it will help us have the extra monthly income for diapers and pediatrician co-pays that come along with a newborn!
Mali seems to be doing well and understanding a little more. We've had more talks about how she is going to have to ride in a separate car to the hospital and that one set of grandparents will be staying with her while we stay at the hospital. She is having some issues, okay major issues, with being sassy and disrespectful to us. I'm a little overwhelmed with how to curb it. I asked her preschool teacher about it today and her teacher said that when she calls Mali on it, Mali usually says sorry, but did say today "I want to be the teacher one day". We laughed at Mali's personality being so strong willed and independent. She just thinks, I mean "knows" she is right!:) It is good to laugh about it, because lately I've just wanted to cry about it! Eric and I joked last night that maybe dealing with Mali's behavior right now will make having a newborn seem easy! I'm looking forward to watching Eleri's personality, because we can look back and see how as even a newborn Mali was pieces of who she is now; stubborn, high maintenance and strong willed! But we loved her so much and still love her! I'm excited for what God is going to do with our family!