Celebration of Life

A service to celebrate Brie's life and service to her Lord will be held Wednesday, December 29, 2:00 p.m.  It will be held at Hillside Church, 6100 Soncy Rd, Amarillo, TX.  Please dress casually and come to worship and celebrate the Life and Love of Brie's life.

Forever Reign

Forever Reign lyrics

You are good, you are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, you are love
On display for all to see
You are light, you are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, you are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, you are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, you are true
Even in my wondering
You are joy, you are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, you are life
In you death has lost its sting

Chorus:
Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to your arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, you are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, you are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, you are here
In your prescence I'm made whole
You are God, you are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Chorus:
Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to your arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing comares to your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

Chorus:
I'm running to your arms
I'm running to your arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing no other name
Jesus, Jesus
My heart will sing no other name
Jesus, Jesus
My heart will sing no other name
Jesus, Jesus
My heart will sing no other name
Jesus, Jesus

Chorus:
Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to your arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

Chorus:
I'm running to your arms
I'm running to your arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

Where oh where has my baby gone?

In the last few weeks, Eleri has taken huge steps right out of babyhood! She is doing great at potty training and has very few accidents. Eleri is wearing big girl panties during the day and is pretty good at telling us when she needs to go to the bathroom. Then on top of that last Tuesday night, she threw away her "boppy" when Mali sweetly told her you can throw away your boppy if you want. I freaked out and grabbed it out of the trash and washed it in boiling water and gave it to her. Then on Mali's birthday, we came home from walking her to school and sat down to drink our morning tea together. Eleri got down from the table and went and threw her boppy in the trash. This time I let it stay in there. I have been praying that she would give it up herself so I knew that this was the answer to prayer, although not the timing I would've chosen since we were about to travel for Thanksgiving. After discussing it with Eric, I again washed the boppy and packed it with us "just in case". We made it the whole Thanksgiving without using it. Eleri napped and slept just fine without it. I think the issue may have been me and that if she got fussy I quickly gave it to her because I knew it make her un-fussy!:) She has asked for it only a handful of times, and I just tell her "we don't have boppy, you threw it away." I'm pretty amazed at how well she has transitioned. Also while we were at the cabin, Eleri slept in a big girl twin bed for a nap and two bedtimes. She is really growing up and just in time, although I don't want her to have to grow up too fast.

T

6 year Birthday Letter

 Dear Mali, I can't believe that you are six years old!  We have really seen you grown and change this year.  You have spent this year learning how to be a big sister.  That has had its ups and downs, but the best moments are watching you be sweet and attentive to your sister.  I know you really love her and she really loves and adores you.  Eleri wants to be just like you in every way!  You are a strong leader in our home and at school. Mrs. Von Netzer, your kindergarten teacher, has told us how much she enjoys you in the classroom. At first, it was hard adjusting to school and the new routine of it all.  You missed running errands with me and Eleri, but you've found new things to enjoy.  You are doing great at reading and I'm so proud of you.  It makes me so happy to see you "write" out what you want to say using only consonants.  You are really sounding things out and starting the beginning stages of reading and it is so exciting for me.  I love reading and hope you will love it too.  It will make your brain stretch and grow and your world too. You have made several new friends too! Even with the start of school you are still Mali.  We continue to have our battles.  Your strong leadership skills show up here at home...with your mommy...quite a bit.  You definitely want to be the leader over me.  It is a struggle to always be patient and kind with you with your "leaderships skills" and I'm not always the mommy I want to be for you...but I'm trying and I'm praying and I hope that each day I improve as your mommy.  Because you absolutely deserve it!   Your heart is tender and open beneath those "looks" and that "attitude".  You are a sweet sweet girl.  You have also become a huge helper.  You are doing chores that are required of you; unloading the dishwasher and making your bed.  You really enjoy helping and like to ask me what more chores you can do.  Of course, it is usually because you want to "earn back" a toy. But I don't mind and love seeing you become responsible and capable of helping.  And truth be told, I enjoy the help!  You are GREAT at unloading the dishwasher!  This year has also been huge as I've watched you grow spiritually.  IT was such a joyful day when you decided to be baptized.  Just like life, each day is a journey. I pray and hope that I'm guiding you in the right way and teaching you that loving Jesus isn't about perfection its about turning to His perfection. I love our moments of cuddling and laughing together. You have such a beautiful smile that lights up my life!  I'm so thankful for six years with you!

24 weeks

I had my 24 week appointment today. 6 months...I can't believe it. It can certainly slow down too, I'm in no rush for this baby to be out of the womb quite yet! My appointment was great and uneventful besides waiting for an extra long time with a fun little toddler. Baby boy's heart beat was 167 and I'm measuring right on target. I am actually just now back up to my pre-pregnancy weight. I can't believe it and am beyond thankful and greatful to be out of the throwing up stage. I did talk with my OB about my gallbladder issues. He does think that it is probably my fucntioing but there is just nothing we can do right now as far as tests go. I'm taking supposed to be taking an acid blocker to help each day.  The pain is still manageable though. And of course avoiding spicy and greasy foods!  Which don't seem to matter.  In fact, cereal with milk seems to be my biggest culprit.  Guess that means I can hopefully indulge in Judy's flat enchiladas that I've been craving.  I also discussed more in depth my concerns over a tubal ligation during my c-section.  I'm really thinking it is just going to be the way to go,although I really don't think its fair that I will have had three c-sections and a d&C all while Eric has nothing!;)  Just kidding, sort of.  It just makes sense when it comes to already being opened up and already having met my deductible.  Baby Boy is moving really good and I love it!  It doesn't seem as if he is as active as constantly as the girls, but who knows.  Nothing is really predictable with babies!  I'm really feeling great and couldn't be more thankful!   I have actually had cravings and these are just reminders that I CAN EAT again and not get sick!  We are getting more and more excited about baby boy's arrival.  I just feel such peace with how our family will be.  I'm still pretty nervous and not sure about the whole boy thing, but God knows what he is doing SO MUCH more than I do!

What's in a name?

Here we go again with the name game!  We still aren't 100% sure that we have baby boy's name...so we won't be referring to him as anything other than #3
a. until we are certain and
b. probably until football season is over.
But we did discuss that maybe asking for spelling suggestions on our blog would help us.  If you read our blog when I was pregnant with Eleri, you may remember that her alternative name was Curi.  This was our "boy" name if she happened to be a boy and also we thought it was fairly gender neutral and stuck around as a girl name other than Eleri.  This time around we've tossed a few back and forth like Easton (our boy name alternative with Mali, but too popular now) and Hyde (my first choice after The Hideaway Marriage Intensive where he was conceived but its been scratched off the list).  After a few discussions we are back to Curry.  We like Curry because it has the same "I" ending sound as both of our girls' names and just seems to flow well.  What put both of us on board with this name was doing a little search on the meaning recently when we came across this:

Curry - Meaning of the name

[ 2 syll. cur-ry, cu-rry ] The boy name Curry is pronounced as KAHRiy or KERiy †.
Curry is an English and Irish name of Irish Gaelic origin.
Curry is a pet form of the name Curran (English).Curry is rare as a baby boy name. It is not listed in the top 1000.

Baby names that sound like Curry include
Currey(English), Currie (English), Kerey (English),Kurrey (English), Kurrie (English), Kurry(English),
Carey (English and Irish), Cary(English), Casar (Slavic), Cäsar (German),Chirayu (Indian), Coree (English),
Corey(English), Cori (English), Corie (English), Corrie(English), Corry (English),
 Cory (English), Craye, and Curro (Spanish).

† Pronunciation for Curry: K as in "key (K.IY)" ; AH as in "hut (HH.AH.T)" ; R as in "read (R.IY.D)" ; IY as in "eat (IY.T)" ;
K as in "key (K.IY)" ; ER as in "hurt (HH.ER.T)" ; IY as in "eat (IY.T)"

Who could pass up naming their son a name that means HERO or CHAMPION? Especially a father that is a football coach. We just aren't sure how to spell it.   I'm just fine with the Curry spelling but then you run into the problem that Brandon and Liza pointed out and that is the major association of the name curry with CURRY...okay now I'm hungry and really want some of Liza's good Nepali cooking!  They have a legitimate argument that in a global world a great percentage of people with any sort of familiarity with Asian cuisine or even an occasional trip to Pei Wei may associate his possible name with.... Curry and there may be some teasing or laughter or shouts of "Don't Worry Chicken Curry". But we just have to weigh everything else about the name because every name can be made fun of.  In fact, several people made comments about Eleri's name (Eleri Celery) and Mali's name being chosen after a baby Asian elephant. My argument with this is that my name is Brie.  Anyone mildly familiar with French cuisine or in fact gourmet cuisine knows Brie is a cheese.  I've often even explained to people that my name is "spelled like the cheese".  I survived, and I like my name teasing included. Brandon's suggestion is that we go with the actual from of Curran.  Eric then suggested we could just call him Curry.  But here we go back to my name.  On this topic, it has not been fun at all to have a real name Brianna and then a name I go by Brie. It wasn't that difficult really when I lived in a small town and everyone knew my name was Brie, but when I went to college it was easier to just allow my professors to call out Brianna with the role call then to say, "well I go by Brie, and you spell it B-R-I-E.  This is also now the case with the doctor.  So my OB, OB staff, anyone in the hospital with I have babies calls me Brianna.  I can definitely deal with it but, just don't want my children to really deal with it. Not that I don't like Brianna but it just doesn't feel like my name.  Also, from our "research", Curry is a very popular last name and has some other references other than as a mix of spices. So all of this post to ask for you to PLEASE PLEASE comment with your suggestion on how to spell the name.  There are several listed above of course.  We could always add an "I" to the end like we have the girls' names but I worry that feminizes the name Curry. So any suggestions would be great!
On the same line as the first name of our son to be, is the middle name.  I really really wanted Hyde but if Curry is the first name I just can't go with Curry [your] Hyde so I do draw the line some where!  But I LOVE the tradition of using the mother's maiden name as their son's first name.  However, you just can't name your son "White".  Then the other day I had the thought that maybe a name that meant White could be used. So I started looking them up on all the baby name sites.  I had a huge list but we narrowed it down to Blaec which means "black or white" so for our purposes it can mean White! This is a way to carry on a piece of me into our son and my last name was always just huge in my identity.  I came from a VERY small school/class and there was another Brie, so I was always Brie White, and there was the Brie White Defense and then even funny college friends that got a kick out of calling me Brie White Gomez. The White Family has lots of strong characteristics, so we often say "that's a White thing" or something along those lines.  (I'm sure lots of families do that, but maybe not saying "The White Family Temper"). It just feels like I get to include part of my former identity and I just think its a cool way to name your son.


I had LOTS of issues with editing and publishing so just ignore it and comment anyway!:)

Pure Religion

I really miss having the time or effort to write a blog post with some substance or spiritual application.  I love sharing what God is doing in my life but this pregnancy has really taken me down in many ways so I'm lucky to get our memories on the blog.  I've had several posts written in my head all about what God is doing and teaching me.  This one has been there for a while, in my head.  We are studying Isaiah in BSF this year and one our first lessons was about caring for the orphan and oppressed.  James 1:27 says it like this "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  It is put pretty simply.  My heart cries out for this orphans I want to help as much as I can.  I'm convicted when I splurge on a $3.00 coffee from Starbucks at how much food that could give a family.  I share with Mali that the whole bag of lentils we cooked to make lentil tacos is all that some children get to eat. When I worked at Buckner, I was "covered" because I was daily helping orphans and getting paid to do it.  Now that I'm in my stay at home mom bubble, it is much harder, and I still don't know what I'm needing to do.  We sponsor a girl from India through Project Asha at our church.  I talk with Mali a lot about orphans in other countries.  And, I read blogs like these that really convict me and haunt me and change my heart completely.  I feel like I really have to share these links with anyone out there that may come across my blog.  Please take the time to read them and please do something.


Rage Against the Minivan-This family has two adopted children. One from Haiti and one from the foster care system. This post is specifically about what you CAN DO!!!


Baby Bangs-This is Beth Moore's daughter's blog.  She was just a blogger on a Compassion International trip and all of these posts are amazing and eye opening to our world.  I encourage you to read all of her posts about Guatemala.


A Holy Experience-This is one of my favorite bloggers to read.  She was also on the Compassion Trip.


Let us live a life that is not a bubble and that is that of pure and faultless religion!
Here is another tangible way to help. The girls and I are going to do this. This is one of my brother's friends that is heading to Kathmandu, Nepal and these things would go to the Kathmandu Children's Home.
KTM Children's Home Toy Ideas
Think of things that can be shared and used over and over. The kids are all pretty young, with the oldest being around 8. Gently used is ok!

Ship to
Crowd Favorite (care of Gordon Brander)
1435 Wazee St.
Suite 103
Denver, CO, 80202
Soccer Ball (deflated + pump)
Marbles
Jacks
Jump Ropes
Bouncing Balls
Kiddie Scissors (rounded tip)
Cool Picture Books (lots of pictures, they may not speak english - DK makes good ones)
Construction Paper
Coloring Books
Crayons
Glue Sticks (glitter glue is always fun)
Yo-yos

Kindergarten Update

Yesterday, Eric and I had Mali's parent teacher conference. It went really well. Mali was tested about a month ago and so her teacher said that she has probably improved a lot since then. To sum it up, I would say Mali is achieving at a B level. She was above average in most of her testing. And really this testing was more of a baseline for us and the teacher. We still LOVE her teacher and love that she loves Mali. Mrs. Von Netzer said that Mali really brings a balance to her classroom. I just know she is an answer to my specific prayers that Mali get a teacher that sees her strengths. Von Netzer (as the students call her) said that Mali really is great and that even her "little sass" is cute. She said this is really the only behavior issue they have but that she just looks at Mali and Mali changes the way she said whatever it was. Von Netzer said that Mali has several little boys that "like" Mali. Right now it is Jack and Trent. Jack's mom even came up to me yesterday and introduced herself because Jack talks so much about Mali and thought maybe we could have a play date. Umm, I'm thinking that won't be unchaperoned!;) Von Netzer also said that at rug time, all the kids are just surrounding Mali and that the whole class is sort of just drawn to her and her personality! I love this and am so proud of her and that we are able to see her strengths. This sounds a lot like her daddy to me! Mali seems to be learning sooo very much. She recognizes tons of sight words and comes home and asks for books to circle sight words in. She is also learning sentence structure like "finger space" between words. One of my very favorite things is that nearly every day she brings home a drawing that she made for me and usually of me and her. That really warms my heart and is just a reminder of the sweetness in her for her mommy. Today was Von Netzer's birthday. Mali helped me make a Chai Tea mix for her and decoupage a container for it for her. Mali also insisted on bringing her a football cupcake, because Von Netzer "likes" football because she is at the AHS games!;) It was a crazy day walking to school, in the rain, with all those things!!! I came home covered in green frosting, but Mali loved giving those sweet treats to her teacher. At 1pm, we went early and had a birthday party for her too. Really it must have been for the kids because they got the juice boxes and cupcakes!;) I loved watching the kids and Mrs. Von Netzer in "action". She really is wonderful and very gifted as a teacher. We love her! Mali loves her and nearly every day tells me how much she loves Kindergarten. I'm so thankful that Mrs. Von Netzer has set this awesome foundation for Mali! I don't ever want to move away from her or this school until all three kids have her!;)
(Mali drew this drawing this week. It is me in the hospital after having the baby. My IV and fluids are to my right. Mali is behind the baby. She made sure to point out it was just me, her and the new baby and not Eleri).

Every heartbeat bears your name

So, first, I did copy this post title from another blog but it was sooo fitting. Today I am 16 weeks pregnant and had my monthly OB appointment. My appointment was at 9:00am and I was out in my car by 9:05am. Just makes me love my OB even more! He listened to #3's heartbeat and found it right away. It was 160. I haven't really felt #3 move (but had felt both girls by now and surely I should be able to feel my third by now?) and combined with reading another mom's blog, I was starting to get worried and prepare myself a little for a not so good appointment. I'm so thankful to hear that sweet sound that bears God's name. This sweet baby was HIS plan and He has brought this baby this far! My appointment was good overall. I've lost 1lb since my last appointment a month ago. I was certain I'd have gained since I've been able to eat again, but my OB wasn't hugely concerned about that 1lb as long as I can eat something and "keep sugars down". I'm trying to drink a lot of powerade but that makes me a little queasy into the afternoon/evening. These last few weeks (okay now we are at months) have been so hard and I've not had the best attitude about this pregnancy and part of me just wondered if God was going to sort of give me what I asked for (I haven't asked for no baby but my attitude sort of has). However, I really do not believe that is how our God works. He is full of grace and mercy, the two things that prove he doesn't give us what we "deserve" and He is a loving God that has a bigger plan through my misery. Now that doesn't mean he gives me an easy path by no means, just look at this pregnancy. He is using the hardness of it all to shape me and without that hardness I might just go about life without my thought life being changed. Part of that I really believe is transforming my heart/attitude and thoughts. I just started a bible study with Hillside on Tuesdays and it is teaching about our thought patterns and how what we think about ourselves, or say to ourselves in our mind/heart, affects us so deeply. My thoughts and in return attitude has been pretty stinky lately. So bring on the transformation, but can I please stop puking????
I am still throwing up each day, at least once on a good day and sometimes more, all day on a bad day. The more active I am or more I do or least I sleep, the sicker I am. I feel horrible and miserable and I really want all the feeling bad to end. I'm counting down the days and really know that any day I could suddenly stop puking and stop feeling bad. But I also know I may continue to feel bad. Its taking such a toll on my entire life and that's what I want to end. I don't feel like doing anything because my body is just exhausted. I take a nap and "wake up" and my mind is awake but my body never seems to really wake up. Doing ANYTHING just drains my energy, even taking Eric a pillow up to school! I just go downhill all day and I'm realizing that my afternoons are my valuable time that I have with my children and I need to be making the most of it and being intentional, but I'm not. I'm sitting there like a zombie, pregnant woman. They aren't being neglected, but they aren't really being engaged by me either. I loose patience so quickly with Eleri for making 18 month old messes and I hate that at this age with Mali I was so much more patient and loving. I want to believe that this is a season and it will get better, but I don't want to loose the days and hours either! I would so appreciate your prayers as this difficult difficult season continues in my life. Pray for my sweet sweet girls and that they would get their mommy back soon. Pray for Eric that he would get his helpmate back (especially one he so desperately needs during this SEASON for him!)
I have a sweet big girl to go pick up and a baby that is mysteriously waking up at 1:25pm instead of 2:30...can you say LONGGGGG day!

Oh and we also scheduled our BIG sonogram for October 14th...but the question is will the rest of the world find out with us the gender of our baby?

Weekly Wrap Up

Mali has finished one entire week of public school. It certainly has been an adjustment, but we are all super happy with how well it is going. I really love Mali's teacher and just the way she seems to really be invested in and loving on this class of kids. You can just see that she is genuinely good teacher that loves what she does. Every day Mali has come home with something new she is has learned, even if it is a song or a saying, I love to know that she is learning! I've really enjoyed being able to walk Mali to and from school. It is a huge blessing to live this close to the school and I'm so thankful that three years ago, God provided us this house in such a perfect location next to a wonderful elementary school. The second day of school it was a little drizzle-y and we started walking to school and ended up walking in a little more of a drizzle the closer we got to school. It was just another adventure. Getting ready hasn't been as wonderful as it was the first day, but it hasn't been that horrible either. We are all pretty tired though. Every day about 4:00 Mali seems to go downhill and have some sort of a meltdown. Wednesday she actually ended up falling asleep in her room and sleeping until 6:30. Mali had one bad day where she was pushed down on the playground and landed hands first in a pile of stickers. It broke my heart to see her little hands full of little thorns when she came home. We still don't know the whole story but it seems that Mali may have provoked the pushing and that her teacher wasn't even aware of the thorns in her hand. That made me for a bad night of crying that she didn't want to go back to school and because "we don't learn about God and that's the most important thing", which again broke my heart. We talked about all the things that she learned about and how God created those things so she DID learn about God. We talked about how nature "testifies" to God. The rest of the week has gone great. Mali loves the funny story about Hermie the Worm that her teacher tells and has started saying "kiss your brain" and kissing her head and touching it to her head when her or Eleri do a good job. It is really funny! Have I said I love this teacher yet? Mali does a great job of going in each morning, putting her backpack in her "locker", signing in, moving her name to bringing a lunch, and giving her folder to her teacher. Mali seems to be making friends and points to the girls that she plays with even though she doesn't' always remember their names. The second day of school, Haley (a girl that went to BSF with Mali for a little while) brought Mali a cross stretchy bracelet and gave it to her. Her mom told us that Haley wanted Mali and her to remember to stand for Jesus at school. This same little girl also wanted to bring a New Testament to give to the teacher so she could read it out loud during story time! I've spent this summer just praying for godly friends and influences for Mali. I love how God answers my prayers so specifically! I'm not sure Mali and Haley play every day together but it was an encouragement. Mali is also noticing the things that she has in common with the other girls in her class. She told me that the boys are always crazy and don't obey but the girls are good. And speaking of boys, yesterday at drop off this boy in her class said "can I come over?" It was a little awkward and on the spot. I just told him he needed to ask his mommy or daddy first. Mali told me she had invited him to come over and get toys because he is mean and she decided to be nice to him. I'm not sure and probably shouldn't judge, but he is a little bigger than the others so I wonder if he is a little older and maybe not mean but just older. Mali also really enjoyed one day of playing with her friend Carson on the playground (He is in another class) and that when she fell down he asked if she was okay. There are no more nerves and even though some mornings have been hard, Mali seems to really enjoy it. I asked her teacher at pick up today how Mali did this week and she said "she did really great!" That made me so proud, because I know how really great Mali is!!!! Mali also did so good on her behavior chart this week that she got to pick out something from the treasure chest. She chose a jump rope. They also had a birthday party today and got juice boxes and cupcakes...sounds like a great way to end a great week. She deserved it! We are looking forward to resting this weekend.

Another day, another ultrasound

Today I had another ultrasound. I sure am high maintenance when I'm pregnant, I guess it makes up for me not being high maintenance in normal life!;) In the last two/three weeks I've been bleeding and so this was just to check on baby again. When the tech put in all my information, I told her that we still weren't really sure how far along I was but that if I could give her the date of conception that it would probably be right. Sure enough she said that #3 was measuring exactly with that date of conception. So without further ado, real due date is March 3, 2011 and I'm 8-9 weeks along. Only three to five more weeks of my head remaining in the toilet! Yes, I'm sick and exhausted. In fact today I took an hour long nap and wanted to sleep more! The mornings and evenings are the worst and evenings the most difficult. I really can't eat dinner at all or keep it down if I do. I can't stand the look, smell or taste of chicken and as I get sick off something, I can no longer eat that. The ginger beer is helping some but isn't full proof. Eric said he's willing to pay for a prescription of Zofran for me my OB will prescribe it. We will see. This sure is hard the third time around (and really the fourth since my paperwork reads 4 pregnancies. Can you believe I've really been pregnant four times?). It was wonderful seeing #3 on the screen. Especially since baby looks more like a...baby. Can you see the little legs? I saw the heartbeat right away. That always sends a shock of amazingness through me. Then we heard the good strong, fast heartbeat. It was at 170 this time. Everything with the baby looked good. The tech did say she could see evidence of bleeding around the gestational sac but with baby healthy and heartbeat so strong it wasn't a concern to her and probably something that will self correct. We are trusting God! I'm so thankful for this baby but had a realization/talking time with God. Since God had clearly told us to do this, I think part of me expected his blessing and favor on this pregnancy. In my mind some what translating into easy, fun pregnancy. Which it is not. Then God just showed me that just because I'm obedient or follow his path doesn't mean its going to be easy. Carrie helped me to see that even when Jesus told the disciples to go out on a boat, he KNEW a storm was coming, and told them anyway. And like we've been studying in church, Paul was absolutely in God's will but was imprisoned, beat, stoned...etc. So, with God's strength I will get through #3. The other night after being sick, I asked Eric to tell me it was going to be worth it. He was silent. But then said "in five years". Once again, I find myself saying, in two years this will be worth it. I see how funny and amazing Eleri is at this age and know that in a short season #3 will be at that adorable stage too.

Kindergarten Woes

The past few weeks Mali has started to become a little anxious about going to kindergarten. Some of her woes are that she won't be able to go to Wal-Mart with me any more and the more heart breaking one, that she won't be able to learn about God. During one of our kindergarten discussions, Mali said she was excited about going to kindergarten and learning about God. I made the mistake of telling her that she wouldn't be learning about God like she did in preschool. I should've have been more thoughtful when I talked with her about it. Maybe saying that we can always learn about God no matter where we are, because that is so true and I want her to know that. I received more of a "spiritual education" at a secular university than my brother received at a Christian college. Or maybe I could have said, "you can teach people about God." At any rate, I'm trying to make up for my careless words now. We have purchased a backpack and a few school clothes. Eric has made sure that his big girl well be well dressed and fit in as much as possible at Sleepyhollow. We still have to get school supplies, hopefully I will this week, and end my nightmares about it being 7:30 on the first day of school and Mali not having school supplies. I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to start having to pack lunches every day!!!! And how I will have to be thrifty and creative. I'm still unsure what to do about drinks and how to go about that the cheapest. I asked Mali if water bottles would work for her and she said "yes." We are used to eating leftover at lunch so this is going to stretch me. And, I realized, I will have to wake her up more than likely rather than let her sleep until she naturally wakes up. Not that she ever sleeps too late, but we will need to be prepared! Oh, the winds of change are blowing! On a positive note of this subject, we read in her Princess Bible about singing the song "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" but trading out your worry, so we've been singing "He's got Mali going to Kindergarten, in His Hands...". I love it and she loves it (I'm actually going to use that little technique with clients too!) I'm in prayer for this sweet big girl and know she will do fantastic. We each have our own worries and concerns.

Such a sweet sound

Today the girls and I heard one of the sweetest sounds...#3's heartbeat. I had another ultrasound today and everything looked great and sounded great. The heartbeat was at 117 for all of those gender predictors out there. No signs of problems at all. I have started throwing up but God just really spoke to me that it will be okay, this will just make me depend on him even more. And that I'm okay with. I might have to ask Eric to shower immediately after mowing the lawn and might have some extreme rage that the spicy chicken sandwich I ordered was not in the bag but regular chicken sandwich that I can not stomach was...but we'll manage!:)
Here is another picture!

GOALLLL

No, I did not watch even a fraction of the soccer stuff that was going on, whatever it was called!;)
I just wanted to share this so that I have a chance to come back to this one day, or every day for that matter, and to share with my friends too.
A while back, a friend had sent me this new blog, Inspired to Action. She has a free e-book for moms on how to maximize your morning. It has helped me so much, well until I got pregnant again!;) On her blog, she also encourages moms to make a mission statement. I hate that kind of stuff and always have. I hate setting goals and defining objectives, blah blah blah. It makes my head and stomach hurt and just feels like a waste of time. I just want to get to it. And, the reality for me has been that my goal is simply obedience to God. If he calls me to do something I do it, if he tells me no in an area I don't do it. Simple. God called me to stay at home to raise my kids during this season of life. I did it...do it. No goals or objectives needed. Except that I go to bed nearly every day with regret that I just didn't read to Mali or Eleri one more time (or any time at all), that I cleaned too much or that I didn't clean at all. Just loads of regret and guilt that having #2 seemed to exacerbate as I'm sure #3 will too. Then in the shower, which is for all accounts and purposes my real quiet time and time with God, I felt God talking to me about a goal and a mission statement for motherhood. I had read this post that day:
http://inspiredtoaction.com/2010/07/motherhood-and-identity-comparison-and-the-list-you-need-to-tape-to-your-forehead
So in the shower, God and I discussed what my mission statement as a mom should be. And here it is

To provide my children with a safe, loving environment at home where I teach them and help them to learn while also teaching them about loving God.

So now the past few nights when I've laid in bed and the guilt (the Enemy) is whispering in my ear, I can say yes today I was a good mom because I was home with them and gave them a safe place to learn. I taught Eleri how to say bubble and that once again that was a cat not a dog. I taught Mali a verse about arguing and complaining and helped her to understand to rest when her body was out of control with crying. Even though those were just a few moments in the long span of the day, I did "well" (which is even hard for me to say). This certainly does not mean I'm going to do the minimal job but that there will be days when there are moments and not hours that fulfill this statement and I won't bog myself down in the guilt that time is just slipping away from me and that my girls will not be raised well.
I hope this helps someone else that reads this blog too!

Triple Threat

In case you missed the end of my last post...here it is much more clear. We are Eric and Brie + Three! We are expecting our third child. I'm super super early and wasn't really ready to get it "out there" but a.) I'm showing (according to my dad and Terry I've been showing for about 2 months now. I'm blaming my previous pregnancies on this one and my Dr. Pepper consumption). And I'd rather be seen as "pregnant" than "fat"!:) b.) There have been lots of postings on Facebook about it. So to not withhold it any longer and so that I can explain it all myself, I'm pregnant.
Today I had an ultrasound because my pregnancy brain has already kicked in and I'm not really sure the first day of my last period. The pregnancy looks good so far. There were no signs of it being a molar pregnancy, which was and always is a concern. But after having a healthy pregnancy (Eleri), it feels much more safe. As you can see there is clearly a little bitty baby there. I'm still too early to see a heartbeat though. The sonographer was thinking that I was probably about 5 1/2 weeks. So we still don't have a due date but probably end of February or beginning of March. This baby will also be born via c-section which will mean #3's birthday will be about 10-14 days before my due date, whenever that is.
Now to my feelings that I so want so share. Before I was pregnant with Eleri, I felt that God just put it on my heart that we would not just have two children; a boy and girl and be done with it. Eric also has felt the same way. We both had decided that we would not prevent pregnancy after Eleri and just have our third as soon as possible. We didn't really want to be completely out of the baby stage and also felt like it would be easier this way. Not in a negative way, but we could have our last child and could just get on with our family. The pregnancy and baby stage just takes so much out of me. Back in early May sometime, we were driving down Soncy and Eric said that he felt that God had told him that it was time for #3. I was quiet for a minute and my heart rate probably increased exponentially, and I replied that I had felt that same thing from God. So, a month later we were pregnant. We are pretty much 100% sure that this sweet baby was conceived while we were on a marriage intensive in early June and will some how have a name in tribute to that weekend that has changed our marriage and our family forever.
Am I worried about having a third child? Absolutely. I'm not sure I do a good enough job with #1, and #2, but I have no doubt that God put this on our hearts and allowed this baby to be conceived. I feel such a peace with this baby. I would have loved to see a heartbeat today, but I have peace. I've had bleeding again, but I have peace. We only have a 3 bedroom house, but I have peace. Plus, I've also felt that if we had two same gender children that they should share a room. I think that it creates a humble spirit and diminishes the egocentrism, as in "that's mine, MY room, MY toys." God knows that at least our oldest certainly needs that spirit! I do, however, wish we had a sunroom/playroom/toy storage room. I'm excited about this though. It feels good remembering pregnancy and not being so far withdrawn from it (4 years between Mali and Eleri), but on the flip-side, didn't I JUST stop nursing and JUST start running diligently again??? My room is now stocked with Palmer's Stretch Mark cream and prenatal vitamins and I need to go ahead and make a trip to the attic to retrieve my freshly put away maternity clothes. There is just an excitement knowing this is our last baby and I just want to enjoy this pregnancy. Granted, I haven't started throwing up yet. I've had lots of people ask how I'm feeling. I haven't started throwing up but have been nauseous and just had food aversions. I have a huge chicken aversion and really starch and carbs are about all I'll eat. Decaf sweet tea is pretty good too. I've completely kicked my caffeine. I think I drank enough in the first few weeks for entire trimester before I knew! I'm pretty exhausted. That is how that I knew I was pregnant, or rather what prompted me to take a pregnancy test. I had drunk two large Dr. Peppers and taken a nap two Sundays ago and still could not shake the tiredness, so my $1 worth of peace of mind pregnancy test from Dollar Tree was purchased. I didn't think it would be positive. I took it really quick while Eric was gone and glanced at it. It didn't show up as positive right away. I heard the garage door and stashed it away. I didn't want Eric thinking I was silly for taking one, although he had thought I was pregnant any way and so had Mali (that weekend she had told my in laws I was. I said I wasn't I just had a fat tummy from having babies and drinking Dr. Pepper). Later that evening I remembered it and checked and sure enough it was positive. Eric was taking a final for grad school and I rushed my majorily disheveled girls and self (I had been cleaning all day) to Kohl's and bought a "Little Brother" onesie. I presented that and the pregnancy test to Eric. Eric was pretty happy and is very hopeful that this will be a boy. The onesie will remain with its tags on and will be given as a gift if #3 turns out to be a girl. I really wanted to tell Eric in a big way, but when he had got home he told me he needed help spraying weeds in the garden and that it was pretty toxic so the girls needed to be in bed. I thought that I needed to tell him before he made me spray weeds, otherwise he would have had more of a surprise and exciting way of being told. We told the grandparents this past weekend with the girls' "I'm the Big Sister" shirts. I think they were excited. My dad and Terry as mentioned before have "known" for about 2 months although I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. Eric's parents also inervertdendly found out when Eric texted his sister and unknowingly texted them.
I feel full and feel complete. We are living in God's plan for our family! This is still super early and the first trimester is a risky one. I'm fully aware that my blog posts about this pregnancy could go either way at this point. Even though it is early, and we haven't seen a heart beat, it is out there now...and I have peace.
So here we are....Eric and Brie + 3
"He gives childless couples a family, gives them joy as the parents of children. Hallelujah!" Psalm 113:9

He gently leads those with young

For once in the past week, I have not wanted to just crawl into bed. It could have been the effect of adrenaline coursing through my body from trying to catch a thief who had stolen a blower off of a landscaper mowing our neighbors yard early today, or it may have been because I just wanted to write and rest in what God spoke to me today.
There are two main reasons that I blog (which I’m sure I’ve referenced on several occasions whether for my own purpose or to defend my immense posts). The first reason is to vent and to share. I love sharing what God has shown me or even new things that I’m learning in hopes that I can just help others out there…other tired moms or women going through difficult times. I know so many times that I read other blogs that in just a sentence draw me closer to God, convict me and teach me. I want that for my blog. But this is where I’ve fallen by the wayside probably since Eleri’s birth. I don’t have the blogging time that I used to…pause for major interruption from my 5 year old (see what I mean? Even the quiet hours of the night don’t provide solace to blog.) And let me tell you, I’m so distracted. I can’t blog with any semblance of noise or interruptions from previously mentioned 5 year olds. I completely loose all train of thought. So with great sadness, this is what has been missing from my blog, but it hasn’t been missing from my life. This past year God has continued to speak to me and guide me in mothering. I have to strive much much more to find those quiet moments so that I can be with him and hear him, but I long for those moments. And, I’ve experienced God’s grace too. He knows where I am in life…not that its an excuse and I don’t want to use it as an excuse, but its His grace evident in my life and that loving Him and seeking Him is what matters to Him. I even told Mali today that God doesn’t care how we talk to Him just that we do talk to him. My second reason to blog has been to document the girls. I’ve even slacked in that area.
Tonight I came across a wonderful blog. It really encouraged me and has so many great quotes that just free me as a mom. One of my huge fears is failure and even before getting married I knew that I was terrified to get married and to have kids because I was terrified to fail but knew that I would fail. It was so gripping. And even though I was afraid of failing, it was love that has motivated me not to fail not that fear. I had that fear of failing because I love Eric and I love my girls and I love being married and love being their mommy and I don’t want to fail at it. I want to do my best and give my best and love them all through out their lives and leave them with legacies of love. Having a loving family and being a loving mom is success to me. But I feel bogged down and don’t believe that I’m succeeding too many times when my nights end with counting down the minutes until bed time and frustration with Mali not going to bed. Today I read this quote: "I tell myself this, that I can't go to jail over toilet bowls and there is grace and a smile behind all the ethereal veil and I can just rest. That God's will for a day is never to shoulder a burden but to come rest on His shoulder". I felt encouraged and hopeful and saw a fullness of God’s grace. And of course since this post was sooo good I kept reading the new blog I stumbled across. I won’t tell you that I was captivated by the blog and finding my place of rest while my girls were in the bath splashing every where and making a water slide. But don’t worry, Mali was holding Eleri while they slid down the side of the bathtub. Nope I didn’t do that, or maybe I did. And if I did, I was sitting right next to the bathtub and might or might not have the wet clothes to prove it.I read some one’s Facebook status the other day that said something to the effect of bathtime being a great babysitter.
After reading on , I read through this post. Can I tell you how much even more it encouraged me? Now this is what led me to write this post to begin with
"Isaiah 40:11….he gently leads those that have young.
I felt the strangling terror give way to realization. Motherhood does not require, thankfully, perfection. It simply requires commitment and humility.
He was not leading this Mother to be a Hallmark version of perfection.

But rather a committed, humble, real one.

Lord...let me sing the refrain this Mother's Day: Relationships cost. It is not that I won't blow it. It is what I do with it afterwards."

God will gently lead those that have young…He will gently lead me with my young…my young 5 year old that looks so big, my young 17 month old that didn’t stay a baby for long, and my young baby that is growing inside of me. Even though I will blow it, and have already blown it, even though I’ve blown it with my first, and my second, and I’m still having a third….God’s grace remains and he will gently lead me.

And I hate to end this blog on this note. I had intended to write ahead of time all that I was feeling about #3…but this will do for today.

Oh My Mali

Mali is just growing like a weed daisy!!! It seems like she has grown a foot this summer.  I'm not really sure of her actual measurements but it is close to 4' and she is several inches taller on the wall of the garage at the cabin since she was last measured at the cabin at Thanksgiving. This summer, Mali has started to read and write several more sight words.  I know she is so ready for kindergarten and for reading.  I love watching her write and her little brain work.  Mali has also started chores this summer.  She makes her bed and unloads the silverware from the dishwasher.  She also has extra little chores when neccessary too, like cleaning base boards.  Yesterday she helped me clean my bathroom.  Towards the end she wanted to finish it on her own and this is what she did.  In case you can't tell, she got items out of our baskets and put them in a line all the way around our sink.  It was pretty cute! Mali also loves to sit and color.  Yesterday alone she colored about 50 coloring pages and we had spent the entire morning at the Discovery Center!  Guess that is what happens when you don't nap anymore!  Mali also loves to pose for pictures and dress stylish. Mali has really been a delight lately.  I just look at her and see a big girl!

Just as an aside...blogger's editing has totally changed, and I am not a fan.

Father's Day 2010

This Father's day did not turn out nearly as good as I anticipated it as I thought of all the things we could do to love on Eric. We had been out of town the past two weekends and will be out of town the next two weekends so we decided to just stay here. Eric played golf with friends on Friday and then again with his dad on Saturday. Sunday, Mali and I made Eric eggs over easy for breakfast but in all honesty I don't think they were very good. Eric politely said "they were a little runny"! He was thankful and appreciative but they just didn't turn out right. After his breakfast and church, I went and picked up Rosa's for his Father's Day lunch. It was a really hot afternoon and the girls napped and Eric watched the US open on TV. Eric requested cereal for dinner which was a pretty easy fix so we ate cereal and then finished the night with the Under the Sea IMAX movie. The first picture is the girls with their daddy on Father's day and the bottom picture is of Mali waiting up for her daddy. She drew him a picture and put on her most beautiful dress up clothes dress. It was sooo sweet. I also asked Mali to tell me what she loves about her daddy. Here is her list:
He takes care of me
He tells me silly things to do you (to me, Brie)
I like watching him play with Eleri
He teaches me how to play baseball and soccer-he used to
He lets me listen to iPods with him
He lets me go on trips with him and takes me to the theatre sometimes
He comes in my room and sees what i did
He helps me do stuff I can't do (I LOVED that one!)
Sometimes he gets to talk with me about the bad things I do
Having slumber parties
He takes me camping, fishing, to the house together, to the cabin together, swimming with me, jump and jive, and the zoo sometimes
He eats snacks with me
When we play with Eleri on his stomach
Training Aspen, Shank and Scotty with him
He's my favorite guy
When we talk together

She had quite the list. Its easy to see that he is the King of her World.

Beauty of Creation

Saturday night as I was reading outside, a storm starting rolling in. I could hear the thunder in the distance and the sky was several different amazing hues. Then we spotted a rainbow from in front of the cabin with the other end at the top of Spanish Peaks. It was beautiful. Brandon, Liza and I tried to get pictures, but couldn't really capture the beauty of creation.

Don't let her fool you

She is not as innocent as she appears in this picture. We are at battle with this sweet, little girl. The last few weeks have been tough and yesterday was the climax...or at least I hope it was the climax. I'm learning more about what it means to parent and how we have to stand firm and teach the same thing over and over again. I spout out cliches that I probably said I never would say when I was a parent. I think my vocabulary consists of:
speak kindly
be nice
do it KINDLY
Obedience!
Walk away, just walk away.
It is okay to be angry, it is not okay to act out your anger
Just because she/they hurt you, does not mean you hurt them back
And, last night I spouted out a Strappism...When you mess up, confess up, get up and keep going (actually I'm not sure I quite remember the ending, but that's what I said).
I'm trying to teach her how to act and how to have a repentant heart as well. This sweet, little girl is precious to us we do not want to loose her to the battle of sin or selfishness. I'm engaged in this fight and praying for wisdom, guidance and perseverance.

Eric and Brie Plus THREE

There may be a few of you that aren't thrilled to find out this news from a blog post, but I hope you'll forgive me. Our lives have been a little crazy the last few days. And we are officially Eric and Brie + THREE............


























DOGS!


Eric's Favorite Scotty (as in Scotty Cameron Putter) joined our family Saturday. He is a full blooded Weimaraner. He is pretty sweet and Mali is smitten with him. He is 8 weeks old and on his way to being a great buddy to Shank.

Mali update

Mali is doing really great! She is almost finished with preschool...just two more weeks! Lately, we have had some behavior problems consisting of Mali trying to parent. A few weeks ago, Eric and I were outside and she decided to make Eric a snack. Peanut butter, jelly, plates and cups covered the kitchen when we came inside. She has also decided that she needs to discipline Eleri or take things from Eleri even when Eric and I are right there. This has caused a lot of problems lately. It goes like this; Eleri has a toy, Mali goes to take it away, I (or Eric) say, "It's okay she can have it", Mali takes it away anyway! It can be pretty aggravating. God has just shown me that it is part of training our children and being consistent and sticking with teaching them the right way even if I say 100 times a day "be kind" or "you need to let Mommy handle that." Mali has also been using a rude tone and voice lately and yelling at Eric and I...kind of along the same lines of her trying to be in charge. I've been praying that I would be gentle in my tone, voice, mouth, hands, touch...etc., because I do believe sometimes the problems we see in our children are a result of our actions. And, I certainly can be a little harsh when I speak to her...I like to call it "firm". Its okay for a parent to be "firm" but not okay for Mali to be "firm" with her parents. On the other side of this, I've seen Mali do a really great job playing with Eleri. It makes my heart so happy to hear Mali sweetly talk to Eleri and say "hey cute little girl" (also things I know she's repeating from me...why can't she just repeat the good???) I love watching them play. Eleri just goes along with what Mali does. The other day Mali got Eleri dressed up in a bumblebee costume and dress up high heels. Mali wore her bumblebee costume and heels too. It was sooo cute. Mali couldn't understand how Eleri could walk in the heels but Mali kept falling! When they get along it is wonderful and when they fight it is horrible! Mali has started t-ball and really enjoys it (her first game is tonight). Last week she made a "new friend" that she was so excited to tell me about. She described him as the boy that is "gold". I'll let you guys figure that one out! At the end of practice, all the kids ran around the soccer goal post and back and this little boy won. Mali was very upset that she didn't win. I talked with her about just trying harder and running faster, but told her that her new friend won. She was excited for him and said "I need to bring him a present next time for winning". Mali finished her last BSF class today. It was sad saying all the good-byes. We are so thankful for BSF and the women that have taught and loved on Mali these past three years. Another funny thing that I want to "document" is Mali's nighttime awakenings. Last night about 10:00, the wind picked up outside and then Eric and I heard some weird noises from inside the house. A few minutes later, Mali walks into our room sort of crying and walks into our closet. It was so hard not to laugh. I took her to the bathroom and then walked her to her room, where she walked into the closet again. I finally tucked her in bed. Of course, she didn't remember this at all this morning. Ever since we moved her, Mali has done this. It took us a few accidents to realize that when she does this she is asleep and just needs to go to the bathroom. I remember threatening to spank her at one point so she would tell me why she was crying. Now we just now, take her to the bathroom and put her back to bed. This is probably the first time when I've been awake when she wakes up. She used to just cry in her bedroom and I would come get her, but now she comes to our room. Mali is writing and learning to spell really well. She is recognizing more and more sight words. A lady at BSF that was working in the children's area last week, came up to me and bragged on how smart Mali was. She is pretty smart and such a self starter. We are excited to see Mali and watch her grow throughout the summer. I'm so thankful for the personality that God gave her!

Kindergarten Bound

Yesterday we registered Mali for kindergarten at Sleep Hollow Elementary. The secretary was super friendly and grandmotherly. The principal even came out and met us! While we were filling out paperwork, Mali went over and colored with another kindergarten student to be. The secretary asked us if they knew each other, which I replied they didn't, and she said "she will do just fine in kindergarten." I know Mali will do just fine, however last night I started having fear creep up inside me. What if no one likes her? Because, lets face it, that is a real possibility, it seems far fetched to me because she is so sociable, but we've seen glimpses of her not being the teacher's pet and being excluded from playing with her peers at preschool. I guess that really is my one worry, however, I know that I need to trust God and that He sees the big picture. And maybe its because I remember being excluded in 1st grade and getting in trouble with my 1st grade teacher and being spanked by the principal...oh if only we wouldn't displace our own issues on our children! Anyway, that's another subject.
Mali was great and really seemed to like it. I definitely came away with a good feeling. Sleepy Hollow was ranked as the top elementary school in Texas in Texas Monthly the year that we moved to Amarillo. I'm so incredibly thankful that Mali has the opportunity to attend a great school. Another HUGE plus is that we are just across the street. Which will save on gas and my sanity. No more loading up the kids and buckling in...we will just walk to and from school. And, if Eleri is napping, I'll just walk out the door, lock it and take the baby monitor! Oh the freedom!!! I know next year will still be an adjustment: adjusting to going to school at 8, getting home at 1:30pm, Mali being at school every week day, projects and homework, testing, PTA, packing lunches, the expense of packing lunches (maybe my gas budget will transfer money to a lunch budget). I'm realizing, I'm going to have to become very organized and disciplined to be the best mom of a kindergartner. I have visions of writing sweet little notes to Mali in her lunch box and cutting her PBJ sandwiches into hearts (my mom used to leave me notes in my lunchbox and it meant a lot to me.)
I also wanted to add the reasons we are choosing to enroll Mali in public school. Since, this is a large debate among lots of families and is deeply personal I wanted to share our decision. I feel like it is similar to the staying at home decision, although I have to say I'm not as opinionated about the schooling issue as the staying at home issue...maybe its because I haven't been there yet. I never had considered homeschooling for Mali...I was completely against it, but after reading this blog post
http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2010/04/why-homeschool.html
I realized there was so many wonderful things that homeschooling can add and part of me really wanted to home school her. So, on to our decision. Disclaimer: I still love Jesus very very much, even though I will not homeschool. I still love Jesus very very much and want that for my children, but they will not attend private Christian school. So, we chose to enroll Mali in public school. #1 reason: Mali is very strong willed. She needs to be challenged. I'm not a teacher...I'm not even close to a teacher type. I've been honored to teach her and already homeschool her and she has learned. But I believe she can learn more from a teacher and a teacher will have the wisdom and knowledge to know what comes next in her learning plan and be able to push her. We saw this on the field of T ball practice the other day. Eric had been telling her how to catch the ball when it was a grounder, and then suddenly Mali picked it up from listening to one of the other "coaches". This is just how Mali is...she needs to be pushed and she listens to others better than her parents. #2 reason: Socialization. Mali is VERY social. I do believe that other avenues provide socialization, but public school is a great fit for Mali's socialzation. Am I scared of how she will be socialized? YES, tremendously! But last night as I was praying through The Power of a Praying Parent and the prayer on protection, God spoke to me that this is exactly what Mali needs to be doing. She needs to attend school here and I need to be on my knees for her. If she were home schooled or in a Christian school, I may not feel the desperation to pray for her like I will in public school and she wouldn't be covered in prayer. I have a HUGE responsibility ahead of me, and I'm sure will spend hours on my knees because of her socialization. On another note, I have not been happy about a lot of things Mali has learned, how she has acted, etc., after being socialized at a CHRISTIAN preschool. Kids are kids regardless of where they attend school. There are influences that children are exposed to that I can not control, even if it were in a Christian school, AND I believe that Christian Schools often present a false sense of security. Yes, I'm scared, but what choice do we have as parents but to allow our children to go into the world? God even commissioned us as Christians to go into the world. I'm scared of what Mali will pick up on, but maybe, just maybe, other children and parents and teachers will pick up on Jesus from Mali (maybe, hopefully)! #3 reason: Athletics. So, you had to know that would be in there. Organized sports and activities is huge in our family. Do I really need to explain this?;) Sports was instrumental in both Eric and I's lives and we want that for our girls too. #4 reason: A great elementary school. I feel incredibly blessed by the school Mali will attend. We decided to buy our house with some what blind faith because of the elementary school across the street. It is a great school. If Mali was going to go anywhere else, our decision might be more difficult as where to enroll her, but we don't have to face that. I'm so thankful and so thankful that God provided us with this home and neighborhood. I also believe that just as God has called me to be a mom and therapist, that He has placed his hand and gifts on teachers. I've known so many amazing, godly people that have become teachers. I don't want to withhold Mali from being under the wing of someone that God has appointed to teach her (because, it certainly isn't me). Still, this is scary, because I know there will be hard teachers and some teachers that may not love Jesus, but I'm hopeful that we can allow God to guide us in how to handle those times and that it will be used as learning opportunities and shaping opportunities for Mali. There are times that I hear about Christian Schools, especially DCA in Dalhart, and what amazing TRUTH they are learning and how it is so fundamental to their faith...and I think about how I would LOVE that for my girls...but for now this is our decision, and we are confident in it! Part of me wonders if God has so worked in Mali's life that the Holy Spirit lives in her now before she enters public school. I look forward to looking back on these days as Mali grows and is shaped. I'm sad, and I'll miss her and miss having lunch with her every day! I've realized that I may not have been the best steward of lunch time with my big girl, now that the season is over!:( But, here it is...the end of another season and Mali is kindergarten bound!:)

Mali's baptism

Yesterday, Mali was baptized during our church service. Right before the baptisms, the band played David Crowders song "How He Loves"! He does love all of us and Mali was there ready to show the church she had accepted His love. I can not even begin to tell you what a beautiful moment it was. Just beautiful! I know that I'm biased, but there was something just beautiful ABOUT Mali and ABOUT that moment. The video quality is not good at all, and yes, the pictures and video are actually pictures and video of the screen and not actually Mali!:) But you should listen to this video. Mali proudly proclaimed Jesus as Lord! Her sweet voice showed that she was genuine, excited and ready for this moment. Mali asked that Miss Kimberly baptize her. Part of me, well most of me, was sad that she didn't want Eric and I to baptize her. (Our church allows parents or people that played a significant role in the baptizee's salvation to be in the water with them.) But that is just a picture of Mali! She kept telling me that she wanted me and Eric to sit in our seats because we would make her nervous if we were with her. So, Miss Kimberly, our preschool minister, baptized her. And really, she has had an impact on Mali. The first time we met Miss Kimberly was during the Discover Hillside luncheon. Mali was able to go with Miss Kimberly while Eric and I got to know more about Hillside and joined the church. Miss Kimberly has loved on and smiled at Mali each Sunday that we see her. Even though our church is absolutely huge, Miss Kimberly has been very personal to our family and has always called Mali by name. The Clubhouse and Mali's Sunday School class have played huge roles and Miss Kimberly directs these. After Mali asked Jesus into her heart over the Christmas break, she couldn't wait to tell Miss Kimberly. So, Miss Kimberly baptized Mali. Mali proudly declared Jesus as Lord (I think I've said that a few times, but it is true and makes my heart leap with joy). Mali had many people there to witness her beautiful decision. Grammie, Mimi, Papa, Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Hopson, Nana and Grandpa, Aunt Megan and Uncle Chris, Zach, Calyn and Beth Dallas, her friend Parker Peterson (who waited in the hallway to congratulate Mali afterwards and give her a HUGE hug), and her big friends Caitlyn and Cooper and Miss Kristi came in to the service to watch her too. We had a few other friends in the service too that were able to witness this. I can not even explain how amazing it was, and amazing because it was God working. It wasn't Mali doing something, but how God has brought her to this place. Mali was ready for this day...there was NO hesitation in her mind or heart, she just wanted to do this because she knew in her heart this was her next step to proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord of her life. Mali has been waiting so patiently for this day. For a while, she was asking me every day when she could be baptized. She was ready! In Matthew 3:13-17, Jesus says let it be so now when he is asking John the Baptist to baptize him "Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. But John tried to deter him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?"Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." Then John consented. As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.". Mali was ready..."let it be so NOW" was how she felt. I believe that this is HUGE in Mali's life and so important. That being said, I do not believe that it brings a finality to her faith. This does not mean she will never stumble, struggle or will always follow the path God has for her. I understand that each day, and some time moment, will be a choice for her in who she will serve. Baptism has not saved her, it is not the water of baptism but the grace of God and the blood of Christ that has saved her. 1 Peter 3:21 says "and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a good conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ". Baptism has been a step of obedience to signify that she has chosen to accept this new life, Romans 6:3-4 says "Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."
Five years old is young, and we struggled with that aspect for a while, but we decided that we wouldn't tell her she couldn't do this. Yes, we did make sure she understood, but she was also certain and adamant and ready for this step. A lot of the time, I don't understand all of what God wants me to do in obedience to Him, but I do understand that He has said to do it. God told Mali to take this step and she wanted to and we weren't going to stop her. I'm praying that she won't feel the need to be re-baptized because she "didn't really mean it" one day, that she will hear and see this video and see the truth that is proclaimed through her voice and her heart. But, if that is the case, then we will encourage her to be obedient to the Spirit then. I was baptized when I was about 8 (I think) and even though I strayed away from God, I still knew that God had called me to that step at 8 regardless of my poor poor choices in between then and now and that each day I choose Him and that being re-baptized was not what He was asking me to do, I will pray the same for her (without the straying part!!!) that she will see the truth of this decision that she has made at the young age of five.
When I went to help her get dressed after her baptism, she was all cuddled up in the towels. I said something about the water must have been warm. And she said "I just wanted to stay there all day long". We had a good laugh! Wouldn't it be amazing if we just spent all day long basking in God's warming love???!!! After the service, Uncle Chris and Aunt Megan made a huge meal for us all to eat in celebration of this wonderful day. Unfortunately, Mali wasn't feeling up to much enjoyment, but we were blessed by family and friends nonetheless. We enjoyed celebrating all together!

I'm filled with such joy for this moment. Since I found out that I was pregnant with our first little baby, I have prayed that she would walk with God ALL the days of her life. I'm thinking five is pretty close to all of her days!:) I'm also filled with joy at God's faithfulness to answer my prayers and to lead her to Him despite me being her mother. I absolutely try and teach her about Jesus and I hope that my love for Him is conveyed to her but truthfully anything that she HAS learned about Jesus and His love and His death to save us all from our sins is absolutely by God's grace, because in the same fashion I have probably failed a million times to show her God's love, to teach her about Jesus, to pray with her at meal times, to pray with her when she is sick/fearful/angry, to consistently have a bible study time with her, to read to her from her bible every night, to teach her scripture to memorize, to go over my pink sheets from BSF with her, to post scripture on the 'fridge or dry erase board, to joyfully sing "This is the Day", or to fill our home with praise music, or to watch Veggie Tales instead of Disney movies...I wish my home was filled with these things more consistently (I wish I was more Michelle Duggar but find myself much more like Kate Gosselin..the old Kate Gosselin)...but God has led her to Him, He has pursued her (using me at times, using other amazing godly people in her little life as well). Mali has experienced God and His love and learning about him through so many people and I'm beyond thankful for those moments and those people. Let's keep loving this little girl, encouraging her to walk with God the rest of her days, and learn more about Him each day.

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