O Holy Night

Night #1 of Christmas:
The first celebration of Christmas this season was our little family Christmas. We ordered Jason's Deli and watched Elf as we opened presents from each other and from Grammie. I read Luke 2, about Jesus' birth and why we celebrate Christmas. We got some great clothes from Grammie and Eric got some special gifts from his girls. Mali's big gift from Grammie were pink Legos. Eleri's big gift was a Busytown play center that she has really enjoyed and especially enjoyed watching Daddy assemble. Eleri was fascinated with the drill. Eleri also got a talking tea set that both girls have enjoyed playing with. Grammie got the girls lots of other great things including clothes. We got the girls hooded bath towels. Mali got a TAG reading system, Tinkerbell book, fleece dress pajamas, and a Dance Me Daddy Book to go along with her favorite song about her daddy. We got Eleri a walker/riding car that she has enjoyed, although I think she prefers to hold onto our fingers and walk around.
This was also the first time that we celebrated Santa coming. It was Christmas Eve Eve, but Mali didn't know the difference. She left out milk, cookies and a note to Santa. Santa came and filled the girls' stocking that night. Eric and I were both really tired from our trip to the cabin and it was hard to stay up to wait for Mali to fall asleep so we could load the stockings. The next morning, Mali awakened to open her stocking and dragged Eric out of bed to watch.

The Best Decision Ever

This past Sunday, December 20th, Mali prayed and asked Jesus into her heart. It has been a decision in the making, but she has told us several times that she had already asked Jesus to live in her heart. After talking with some of our friends, we decided that we were not going to hinder Mali from asking Jesus into her heart if that is what she was going to do. We also believe that choosing to walk with Jesus is a life long decision and some times a moment by moment choice, that this initial decision is so important but that throughout her life Mali will have to choose to serve the Lord. I did write Mali a personal letter of the details that took place that night, it was a sweet night as Eric, Mali, me and Eleri all gathered together at the cabin in Cuchara and prayed together amidst the beautiful Christmas lights glistening off of the snow. Jesus has washed Mali white as snow!!! In the coming months, she will take a baptism class at church and eventually will be baptized. I am sooo thrilled that she has made this decision and have been praying and greatly anticipating this day since I found out I was pregnant with her. I wanted to share scripture that we have read and believe as Mali has made this decision.
"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God." John 1:12-13
"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." John 17:3
"Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off--for all whom the Lord our God will call." Acts 2:38-39
"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile--the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 8:9-13


This decision of Mali's is solely by the grace of God. I'm so thankful that God has allowed her to make this initial decision and that He has allowed us to lead her to this decision. BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), The Clubhouse (Hillside's children's program), and all of the godly people that God's has placed in her life have led to this decision. I'm also thankful that she has made this decision despite all the wrong choices that I've made as a parent.

What Christmas Means...

This is what Mali drew that Christmas means to her. I have to admit, I was relieved that it didn't mean presents or candy. I'm curious about when they worked on these at preschool and wonder if it was around the time we bought our new tree or were decorating it. At any rate, Christmas trees are some what less materialistic, granted Mali didn't draw her family like a few of the other kids (specifically boys...only the boys drew their families, maybe they were all sitting together or maybe they are just mama's boys!;)). So, this made me think, what does Christmas mean to me and what do I hope to teach Mali and Eleri about the meaning of Christmas? Last night, we were able to go to Chris Tomlin's Glory in the Highest Christmas tour. Louie Giglio spoke and he pointed out that we have these expectations that Christmas be so great, but really it is crazy. We all have craziness at Christmas....from hurt to major problems. AND, the very first Christmas was very crazy! Louie pointed out that Mary was probably praying one thing "God, please don't let this baby come tonight, please let him wait until we get back home." But when DID God chose for Him to come....at the peak of craziness. That is what the meaning of Christmas is...that we need a Savior to save us from the craziness and that God sent Jesus as just that. Surely I can help Mali and Eleri see that I am in desperate need of a Savior. That daily I fail and that I hurt and that I just can't do it all on my own and that I'm in desperate need of Immanuel....God with me, to enable me and to help me through the craziness and to bring glory and honor to Him!

Thoughts about God

One thing that I LOVE about the Christmas season is how much time we spend talking about Jesus and God! Mali is super inquisitive during this time and it provides a great opportunity to teach her! Yesterday, as I was driving her to preschool, Mali said the following
Mali:"Is there a little piece of God in everyone?"
Mommy: "Yes, exactly Mali!"
Mali: "So, I have His hand and other people have other pieces of God in them?"
Mommy: "Well, we all have His spirit in us, that's the Holy Spirit that lives in us when follow Jesus and believe He is our Lord."
Mali:" So, I don't have a piece of His body just the Holy Spirit?"

Dear Mali

Disclaimer:
I really debated posting this. It is very personal and is written to Mali, not in the fashion that my posts normally are written. I wrote it first and then thought to post it, so I never considered who my audience might be reading this. But, I'm using this blog to keep up with digital scrapbooking now too, and honestly, it is just an easy way to have these things organized that I will use one day in scrapbooking. Especially since I'm not really sure where last year's letter is. Each year, I've written a birthday letter to Mali. This is my letter for her 5 year old birthday. I really can't believe that when we wake up tomorrow, we will be celebrating 5!!! I'm a little sad and almost want it to not come, but it will, and five will be a wonderful, maybe wonderfully difficult, year!

Oh sweet Mali, you are five! I cannot believe it has been five years since you were born. It has been so wonderful to become your mother. Most days I’m not sure how God could entrust me with such a precious gift, but He did and I’m soo glad. You are a treasure to me! This year I’ve prayed for you less, cuddled with you less, been less patient with you…but I have not loved you any less! I’m thankful for God’s mercy in parenting and confident that He will grow me to be the mother that you absolutely deserve as well as provide other people in your life to make up for where I’ve failed. But this letter is not about me, and neither is this journey, it is about you! For four years, life was about you. This past year has brought a huge change! You are now a big sister and you have to share everything! I’ve loved watching you in this role. Some days and moments you make me beam with pride. I love watching your tender moments with your sister! I love watching you help her walk and how you teach her too. I love how you repeat little phrases that I’ve said in passing, like “look mom she’s learning!” You have such potential and I can’t wait to watch you and Eleri’s relationship strengthen as the years go on! Most days and moments are really hard to share mom and dad’s laps and attention! I pray that these hard days teach you and strengthen your character and that I’m faithful with those teachable moments.
This year has really flown by! You have really grown up and are loosing a lot of the little girl in you! You amaze me with how smart you are! You love to learn and have really excelled in preschool (based on my observations!) You can write anything that we spell for you! One of my favorite things to do with you is to tell you how to spell words and watch you write! One time you wanted me to spell Chocolate Lab Weimeraner Mix! (Which I don’t think I spelled right!) YOU are learning, and I love it! I’m so very proud of you! You’ve also started rhyming and it is so cute! I’m amazed at how you have just picked up on this! I think you now officially learn more outside of the home. Even though this makes me a little sad, I’m still so proud of you and know that it is the best thing for you! I’m also amazed at how you can draw! I love your drawings and your creativity! I love the picture of Daddy golfing that you drew! You have some talent, albeit 4-year-old talent, but I think you certainly outdo me! I treasure these drawings and hate to part with them! It’s so hard to throw anything away that you’ve written or drawn because I’m just so proud of you and what you’ve done!
This year has also ushered in a new issue that really I just don’t like to deal with! You like little boys! How does this happen soooo early? Miss Mali, I am just not ready for this! To be honest, I want more for you than to be a boy crazy little girl. I see so much potential in you that I worry that you will waste it on being interested in boys. The times that I take to pray, I’m praying about this!!!! Your interest has been in a boy named Parker in the other preschool class. He doesn’t seem so interested! I have noticed that you do pick the cute ones though, so I guess at least you have good taste! I still don’t know how to handle your giddiness when any cute boy, at any age, is around you! I pray and hope that you will hold your head up and be confident in the beautiful, strong girl that God has made you! I think my heart rate has increased just now just thinking about this! Oh am I praying for wisdom and guidance in this area. I know we can really mess it up, but you are also only five!!!
I love watching you dance and sing! You really do like to perform and entertain! You have a beautiful voice and you always seem to sing songs in the same key that you’ve heard them! You can repeat almost any song that you’ve heard and liked whether it is the score from Annie or some of Daddy’s songs! You are precious and there is nothing sweeter to me than to see you smiling as you sing or dance on stage! You are a beauty and really like to enjoy yourself!
I love your funny little jokes and just witty things you say! I think you must get that from your Daddy! It is so cute and I love that my five year old can crack me up like you do! These moments are soooo soooo precious!
This year we have had a lot of discussion about Jesus living in your heart. You’ve told mommy and daddy that you want Jesus to live in your heart and that you have asked Him to live there. You’ve talked with us about what baptism means! I want you to know that walking with Jesus is a decision that you make every day, sometimes every hour or minute. Each decision you make is a choice to either walk with Jesus or not walk with Him. I believe that these decisions are so important and pray that you will choose to walk with Jesus! I know, from the other side, that this is the best choice that you can make! You enjoy going to BSF where you are the “leader” and going to the Clubhouse and singing praise songs. You’ve learned scripture and Truth at church, BSF and preschool.
I can’t believe you can swing on your own! You are also doing so great riding your bike! I love our outdoor time!
You talk about the cabin a lot! That warms my heart! Because I love the cabin and I love you so much. You have memories there that we are creating as a family. You also talk about San Diego. I’m thrilled that we have made sweet family memories together!
We’ve had some hard times this year! You are so strong willed, but I absolutely know and trust that God created you this way! So even though it is difficult sometimes as a parent, I also love it! There are days that I see a lot of me in you. I’m not sure how good that is, but it is the way that God made you. You have your bossy moments and we’ve had to work a lot on obedience and respect this year. But I see that you are getting it! You are doing so great saying “yes ma’m”. I can so sympathize with you on these areas, so sometimes I don’t always enforce discipline like I probably should!
You have also seemed to find your role as the big sister, or the older one in our family. When you see mommy cleaning, you like to help me clean! You like to work hard at cleaning your own bathroom. You also are finally motivated to keep your room clean. I think it just clicked; maybe it was age, or really wanting to please your Daddy. You’ve done a great job in the last few months of picking up your room. You also like to race Eleri to get ready in the morning and after bath at night! You win most nights! But I don’t care, as long as you brush your hair with out a battle!!! You really want bangs and keep saying funny things like “Jinni said bangs don’t hurt” and “Grammie has bangs Mommy.” I won’t let you have bangs, end of discussion!!! I can not have the added drama of having to keep those bangs trimmed!!
You really are my five-year-old princess! I love you deeply, even though I may be bad at showing it some days. I love your big smile! I love your funny expressions and how expressive you are when you talk and tell stories. I love how you are so social and can make friends anywhere. I love that you love to talk! I love that you dance like crazy and sing like crazy. I love watching you love your daddy! I love when you give your sister a sweet kiss or speak sweetly to her. I love when you help mommy clean and do your very best to be my helper! I love watching you play with Aspen. I love that you love the cabin. I love that you have such a great memory! I love watching you draw and write. I secretly love your style of dressing, because it is you, and I love you! I LOVE YOU MY SWEET MALI! Have a wonderful wonderful fifth year!
Love,
Mommy

We also seem to have a song for each of our girls. This year, this is the song for Mali! Here are the words and video...
KING OF THE WORLD by Point of Grace

Spinning around on the tops of his feet
smiles of the angels can not be so sweet
wide blue eyes and piggy tail swirls
shes her daddy's girl
cuz he knows the jokes that always make her laugh
takes her for ice cream instead of her nap
at the end of the day by the light of the moon
they turn up the music in their living room
and she yells

dance me, dance me around till my feet don't ever touch down there's nothing better than being your girl and if i am your princess then daddy you are the king of the world

its funny how life moves in circles of time to think not so long ago that face was mine
houses get smaller we take different names but some things in life stay the same

dance me, dance me around till my feet don't ever touch down there's nothing better than being your girl and if i am your princess than daddy you are the king of the world

some day she'll go off and find a life of her own
and marry a good man and make a happy home
until she comes back and sees with those same eyes what time can not disguse she walks through the door with that look on her face cuz daddy's brown hair has all turned to gray they talk for hours they cry and they laugh watchin old movies and time goes by just as she turns to go she says hey day how bout one for the road

dance me, dance me around till my feet don't ever touch down

dance me, dance me around till my feet dont ever touch down cuz theres nothing better than being your girl oh theres nothing better than being your girl and if i am your princess than daddy you are the king of the world
king of the world
smile of the angels could not be so sweet

I LOVE fall!

I absolutely LOVE Fall. I love hearing the leaves as the wind blows them down the sidewalk. I love watching the leaves change and the beautiful oranges, yellows and reds of the leaves. I love wearing jeans and a long sleeve shirt and being comfortable. I love the warm sun. I love indian summers. I love spending time outside. And, I love taking my girls pictures with all of this beauty. I read one time in "The Sin Eater" about how the seasons are yet another picture of Jesus. Winter being Jesus' death and spring being his resurrection. I'm not sure what that makes fall, but I wonder if it is symbolic of the Jesus' earthly ministry and preparation to give us the most beautiful gift Anyone has ever given...the guilt offering to pay for our sins.

King of the World

Daddies and daughters certainly have a special relationship. I've loved watching Eric as a daddy. He's pretty great at it and Mali just thinks he hung the moon. Meemee introduced Eric to the song King of the World by Point of Grace and Mali loves to sing it. Here is a video of her singing it. Her favorite line is "he takes her for ice cream instead of her nap"-could that be any more
descriptive of their relationship???

A few more wonderful daddy things: Eric figured out how to motivate Mali to get ready. He made it into a competition between Mali and Eleri. Every night, and morning now, Mali is racing Eleri to get ready...even brushing her hair!!! Eleri, and I, loose every night because I just can't get this squirmy baby diapered and dressed fast enough.
Also, last night we were all in the car together and Mali and Eric started playing 'I Spy'. It was so cute and I've never even thought about doing that with her in the car! The only bad part was she kept cheating so that her daddy would get the right answer instead of me!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

unCandy Land

This past week, Eric had two out of town games. It was nice to not have to bundle up to go brave the weather, but we missed cheering him on. Our tradition on out of town game nights is to have a girls night. Before Eleri, Mali and I would put on make up, drink hot chocolate, and take bubble baths. It has changed a little now, but is still fun and special. Thursday night, we popped popcorn and played Candy Land. Since the last time we played, Mali has become more competitive. She cried and cried when she drew the gingerbread man card and had to go all the way back, right when she was about to win. She had a meltdown, traded my piece with hers, threw away the card, had another meltdown, and finally conceded. I was very thankful for that moment to teach her perseverance and to do the right thing, even when its hard. Also, I got to tell her that sometimes when we do what God wants us to do, it doesn't sound like a good idea, but that God always knows what's best, and we don't see that until the end. Mali ended up winning anyway! The next night we played again, and she lost, another meltdown !!! I think we just need to play more and more!

On another Mali note, she amazes me at her creativity! She is so good at imagining and drawing. I certainly don't have creativity in the drawing area, so it is really neat to see! Her Grammie and Aunt Zina are pretty artistic, so maybe that is where she "got" it. I just love this girl and love watching her grow and learn. She really is turning into a big girl!

The Good Stuff

Yesterday we had a really good family day! It was such a blessing, and it is pretty obvious what my love language is, since I enjoyed it so much! These moments are rare during football season and with all of our projects, etc. It was nice to do nothing and to actually be in Amarillo...as a family.
We went to church, which didn't last long. We brought both girls into the service to avoid H1N1 contamination, then left for the Cafe and then ended up just going home. While Eleri napped, we had a picnic lunch on the floor and then enjoyed movies all afternoon. I helped Eric with a small project in return for a power nap. I feel like I got some good Mali time in sitting on the couch drinking hot chocolate and eating chips and salsa! The girls actually "played" together. This involved Mali pulling Eleri around in a crate from Eric's weather station box. Then they cuddled with toys and a blanket. It was too cute, the pictures don't do it justice. Eric and I got to dance to Ryan Adams. Apparently, he IS a good dancer, I just can't follow his lead. Hmmm.:) We ended the night with Eric bathing Eleri, a shower/bath with Mali, a warm fire, Amazing Race, and cookies! It was a really nice day!

Spent

I just had to blog this while it was all fresh on my mind, and yes if you are wondering, I'm neglecting my children while I blog. Or maybe I could say I'm encouraging them to play independently! Ha!
Last night I was spent! In the last nine months I've had 9 full nights of sleep. It seems that Eleri's sleeping is actually getting worse. Some nights, I can nurse her and she's right back to sleep. Some nights I've been up every 30 minutes at night with her. Night after night has ern a challenge. I've been recovering from a stomach bug and it has just been a hard time to be a mom of two. The night I was sick, Eleri decided to not sleep and was up for three hours. Eric even helped me. All you moms understand, and I have plenty of you as friends that have been sick recently too. Being a mom and being sick is just not fair! Add on top of that, the fact that I've been up a lot with Eleri in the middle of the night and haven't been able to get the rest I need. Eric was out of town in Lubbock for a game, so I was excited all day about putting the girls to bed early and myself going to bed early, even foregoing a shower just to crawl in my cozy, cushiony bed a few minutes sooner. Well, Mali came yelling into the room as soon as I got Eleri to sleep about a dog outside. Needless to say, Eleri woke up and was ready to go! About 20 minutes later, Eric came home. Both girls were so excited to see their daddy that there was no bedtime in site for either of them. My attitude was horrible towards Eric at first, and I did have to apologize. I just wanted to go to bed, but he was thrilled that he had gotten home earlier than expected and would get to see his girls since he wouldn't get to see them until Saturday some time. That's when the attitude started, and it continued throughout the night, the multiple times I was up with Eleri and then with Mali when she had to go to the bathroom in her sleepwalk state. At 5am, Eleri would not go back to sleep. I felt myself getting angry at her, which is so irrational. She is just a baby, I kept saying, but I couldn't stop feeling angry, and so I put her in her crib. I took a mom time out while she watched her peaceful projector, and then got her about 30 minutes later. Then Mali got up at 6am! I was so struggling with my attitude. I realized that it all had to do with expectations and selfishness. I had expected to go to bed early and was mad about that, I had expected to go back to sleep at 5am and was mad about that. It was also selfishness. I had started thinking about how much I needed sleep and how sick I had been and what I needed! All this thinking is so wrong and had led to my wrong attitude and anger! I knew that I needed to be thankful and was trying so hard! I also, in my irrationality I must admit, became worried about SIDs and how devastated I would be. So I did check on Eleri, who has been fine! I was trying so hard to pull myself out of this! And, after talking with Beth, I realized that I was also angry at God. I had begged him to let Eleri go back to sleep and He didn't answer my prayer! Didn't he know I needed sleep, and that if I didn't get sleep I wouldn't recover and my immune system would be compromised? I certainly had a lot to deal with this morning in my attitude. Several of my friends, actually I must say, all of my friends, have had pile on top of pile of things to deal with and has left us questioning why God has done this to us, and not looking at what God has done for us...like our beautiful, healthy children that we really cherish. We just all seem to be stuck under the piles of sickness, sleeplessness, swine flu, and sucking issues!
Then, God showed me this verse when I went to His Word "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." I Thessalonians 5:23. So in the last 24 hours I've been very much guilty and full of blame! But God IS faithful and he WILL do it and keep my spirit, soul and sick, tired body blameless if I rest in Him.
So the solution that Beth and I came up with on the phone today...venting is ok and necessary. Satan wants us to be angry at God and believe his lies. I need to replace Satan's lies with truth,but Satan knows in my emotional/too tired state I don't go to that truth but rely on my own fleshly feelings. Be thankful for what God does give us, don't expect an early bedtime, but be thankful when we get it. We need a break, but may not get one, rest in His strength and wait patiently for when the break comes.
I'm praying Peace over all of my friends and myself. I'm amazed at just how reading God's truth has settled my soul, spirit and body. And how it has refreshed me to keep on going. And, how talking with a friend has made me realize that I'm normal and that we were able to laugh at our crazy thoughts and irrationality but to encourage each other in choosing God's way, not our own.
Now back to my precious, precious gifts. Holding my sweet, squishy little baby and watching and laughing at Mali as she sings and pretends!
Also, in case anyone is wondering, I will not be receiving the Mom of the Year award again this year...there is always next year!:)

Guilt

Guilt...I'm the queen of it, and it has been hitting me particularly hard since Eleri's birth. If you regularly read my blog you may have read some similar posts. But God has really been dealing with me on this one. I've realized that having this guilt...this stronghold...is a serious sin in my life. I remember someone once said that "conviction is from God and guilt is from Satan." I want to be aware of what God is convicted me of and change, but I also heap on a TON of guilt on top of myself and some times that guilt can become debilitating. Confession is part of dealing with my sin...so I guess this is me venting but at the same time confessing and at the same time, maybe, giving encouragement or at least allowing others to know they aren't alone in these feelings...unless of course I'm the only one that feels like this!:) So what is some of my guilt? Well, leaving the girls in the nursery is one of them. My motives and intentions are perfectly good, I think, but still a stronghold. God told me to be a stay at home mom and so I want to give 100%, I know that this is a short season and I'm committed to giving all that I have for those very few years that I have the girls solely at home. So, I don't want to spend every day placing them in the nursery at church so that I can have some me time. There is nothing wrong with that and I have plenty, okay all, my friends that love and cherish and need that time. I feel differently. It leaves me feeling guilty and sometimes sick that I'm not doing my job. Which, when I examine it, means that I'm placing all responsibility upon myself for raising these girls. Yes, it is my job and I am responsible, but God is the one who will work in my girls and through me. By clinging so tightly to them, I'm actually exercising a form of pride...thinking I'm the only one that can give my girls what they need. Uugh! I could cry! Isn't it true though? Aren't I their mother? This is just what God is dealing with me on right now! And, my absolutely best friend was used in part of this process of conviction! I love Carrie because she tells me the truth, even when it isn't easy!:) Carrie helped me to see that sometimes we parent our children with our fears...so I'm afraid of my children being rejected by me so that is part of my issues with leaving them in the nursery, I don't want them to feel rejected!
I also feel guilt about not giving a 100% to Mali. Nearly every night I could lie in bed upset that I didn't read a single book to Mali or I told her "just a minute" too many times during the day. I also feel a ton of guilt that I'm constantly multi tasking with Eleri. I spent so much one on one time with Mali as a baby, but rarely give that to Eleri. I feel so much guilt about this and worry about our bonding because of it! I also feel guilty that I don't pray for Eleri like I did for Mali. Only time will tell though, and I imagine there will not be a perceivable difference in the girls as they get older.
I also feel guilt about: the piles of papers that need to be filed, that I forget a million things a day, that I'm not the best wife, that I forget about my friends, that I forget to pray for my friends, that I leave the girls to work an hour a day, that I don't always pick up Eleri when she cries when I'm working, that my brain is mush about 110% of the time, that I have debt....so the list could go on! BUT HERE IS THE TRUTH....
God has been showing me scripture and reassuring me with truth.
Through BSF:
Do I have this need that I have to be everything to everyone? This is NOT biblical thinking. I'm not called to do everything, but I am called to do specific things.
God's opinion of us is really all that matters, because at any given time you will either be thinking too little or too highly of yourself.
Knowing the truth about yourself is knowing who you are and who you are not. (I'm keeping a list of WHO I AM and WHO I AM NOT as I come across scripture with those truths).
Our deepest need is not to be on top politically to have everything we want, or to be free from hardships. Our need is to be cleansed by God.
Scripture:
Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus
John 1:12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God
2 Corinthians 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us

Okay, well its not as well shared as I had anticipated as this has been building in my head, but its out there, and the girls are up!:)

If I've told you once, I've told you a million times

Be careful
Don't stand on the counters
Ask for help

These are just several statements I've made to Mali throughout her life. Yesterday all my warnings were not heeded. Mali climbed on top of her bathroom counter and fell off. I grabbed her off of the tile floor as she was screaming and crying. I held her for a while then gave her motrin and an ice pack. She kept screaming and then started to say "I can't see, mommy I can't see". I was worried that she was just dramatizing or being 4 so I called our nurse and she said to take her to the ER. We picked Eric up and went to the ER. Mali was not acting like herself at all. They ordered a CT scan which was another ordeal. Mali was scared of it and cried and cried. Finally, after a bribe (a new Webkinz or Polly Pocket) and Eric's help, she complied. Eric sang Jesus Loves Me at her request. (Eleri and I had to stay outside). We went back to the room and Mali threw up and then took a nap while we waited for the results. The CT came back clear with a normal brain and normal head-praise God. After we got home, Mali started acting like herself again. She was acting very sweet and just talking away. She complained of pain after her motrin wore off but that was it. She ate really great too and thankfully kept it all down.
While we were waiting I felt so much peace from God. I was concerned, but still felt that peace. Isaiah 26:3 says "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, becase he trusts in you.". It was certainly a hard time and it has made me so appreciative of sweet Mali. I hope to hold on to this and continue to treasure her. I just wish I had more opportunities to hold and cuddle with her.
When she was discharged and I was checking out, the receptionist informed me that we had no ER co-pay with our new insurance but that it went towards our deductible. I really almost lost it right then! I don't need to get on that soap box now, but had to vent about insurance. I wonder if Mr. Obama will make that worse or better?
Also, last night when I was bathing her, I noticed a large red mark on her back. This made us reevaluate what exactly had happened. From her report and injuries, it seems that she was standing on the counter, slipped, hit her back on the counter and then fell to the floor and hit her head. Uh it just makes me cringe. I'm so thankful for God's protection over her and her injuries. I think it shows the big picture of how God works, He doesn't always keep us from accidents or injuries (although there is no telling how much he has protected her from) but he keeps us in perfect peace and minimizes those injuries. Often times, we need to the difficult circumstance to learn a lesson, hopefully Mali has learned a lesson, although Eric and I agree that she probably will climb again.

Trying....

These are several new things that I'm trying. God has graciously placed people and ideas in my life to help me, hopefully, be a better manager of our home. Before children, my house was spotless, in fact my co-workers at Buckner used to give me a hard time about this and I remember little "talks" with roommates about dishes being left in the sink. Really? Now dishes are never not left in the sick. I even slid on through keeping a clean house during Mali's first few years of life, but now that has all changed. I cannot do it and cannot even manage it, so I'm having to not rely on my own disciplined self and time, but to be strategic because life is not what it used to be. So, these are things I'm learning and trying:
After I put the girls to bed, I'm cleaning the kitchen up, sweeping, mopping, loading and unloading the dishwasher every night.
Shining my sink (i.e. cleaning the kitchen sink) each night
Writing on a menu board what is for dinner
One load of laundry a day
Setting the timer for 15 minutes often throughout the day, for reading my bible/praying, picking up, getting ready, etc.
Wiping down our bathroom every morning after I get ready.
Reminding myself in my head what I've accomplished not what I haven't accomplished.
Listening to God's truth of who I am and not Satan's lies about my failures
Cleaning out my car every Friday

We'll see how it goes, but at least these things are helping me feel successful and having my home under control. I love rules, structure and boundaries. It's really the only way I'm effective.

update on me

I just wanted to hide this in here for those of you that care...and those of you that don't care hence the hiding. Praise God the hernia is gone!!!! Yippee no surgery for me. Bad news is that I've not lost the remaining baby weight, but consumption of Dr. Pepper, eating out, and new jeans already led me to this belief it was just confirmed today!

Song of Solomon...I mean Eric

After Sunday's sermon on Song of Solomon 4, Eric came up with his own rendition:
I’m no solomon but I will attempt my poetic-ness to the whole faceboock community to proclaim my love.
Your eyes are like Mississippi kites dive bombing golfers to protect their young, your hair flows like the tall fescue that lines the fairways of the old course in St. Andrews. Your teeth are as white as the laces of a new football before a 12-play drive lasting 6 minutes. Your neck reminds me of a narrow fairway protecting a short par 4 or even that of the great playmaking safety of the 49ers Merton Hanks. Your breasts are like the two grassy mounds that protect an easy Sunday pin placement. Your figure is that of a perfectly manicured baseball field with straight lines and perfectly placed bases. Your skin is that of the Augusta fairways with no signs of crabgrass. Your breath smells as sweet as the freshly cut grass. You are much more refreshing than a Fat Tire after 36 holes. Your fragrance is not that of the old musty water of a ball washer or the odor of week 12 in the locker room…it’s better. Your lips taste better than any flavor of wings. The vision of you is better than a 4-foot putt for eagle. You are Augusta un-played by any non member!!
-Eric

Why I choose to stay home….

I’ve had several friends in the past and present ask me my advice on staying at home, so I thought I would just share it with everyone. I do choose to stay at home with my girls. This is what God has shown me and why I made the choice.

#1-God told me to. It was impressed upon my heart by him and confirmed with scripture that He put into my life when I was pregnant with Mali. I was not planning on staying at home and had been very career minded. I stepped out on faith and trusted God. Without a doubt He has proved faithful and trustworthy in this decision. This is part of a letter I wrote at the time to my co-workers:
Throughout the months that I was pregnant and praying about what to do, God showed me many things and many verses that I want to share with you so that you will understand my decision. Before I share those things, I do want to say that I do not think that it is wrong to work or that God thinks that it is wrong to work. In fact, Proverbs 31 talks about a woman of excellence. In these verses it talks about how she works and is pretty much in charge of the family. But for me, God has individually said that I need to stay home, not because working is wrong but because this is part of His plan for me and my family. God has said in Proverbs 27:23-24 “Know well the condition of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds; For riches are not forever nor does a crown endure to all generations”. My time with Mali and Eric will endure to all generations, and God has said that is where my time needs to be invested. The main thing that God showed me was that my family needs to be a priority. I think that is mainly why God is asking me to step away from work. In the past, this has not been the case. Work and my achievements (“crowns”) have been my priority but God says that “crowns” do not endure. Also, my leaving work is opening up the door for Eric to be the leader of our home in many ways but especially financially. There are also other reasons based on finances and my responsibilities at Buckner that God has shown me that support the decision to stay home. I want to be able to be involved in Eric’s work as well and be a “coach’s wife” and I believe that is a role that God also wants me to play. I’m scared of leaving work. I love counseling and do believe that God has chosen me to be a counselor. I can’t say that I understand or am glad for what He has asked me to do, but I trust Him and know that if I “…seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” Matthew 6:33. God has also told me that he “…will supply all [my] needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:19. And last of all God has said “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5,6. I don’t understand, at least not yet, but I want my paths to be straight.

#2-In order to be a good wife I feel like I need to stay at home. Eric’s schedule is crazy during football and part of what I feel my job is, is to make life as easy on him as possible during that time and to be really involved in his job. I just don’t think I could do that and work. I know without a doubt that our involvement in his job would not be a priority. Also, my job at the time required me to be on-call. I knew that with Eric’s schedule there was no way I could do this. If he was gone (sometimes he doesn’t get home until 3am after scouting or football games), I would have to find a way to wake Mali and take her some where if I did get paged. So I just couldn’t do this. I also want to be able to prepare meals for our family that are healthy and good. If I worked, I know that I would be picking up food to go which wouldn’t always be healthy and we would eat on the run. Again, not bad, but just a few things that God showed me. I try to keep the house picked up, etc. (Okay, not so great at this one, and I’ve been told by working moms that your house stays clean because no one is home, I think I’d miss the mess!:)) I also never asked Eric to get up with the girls in the middle of the night, because he needed to be well rested for his job. I looked at it as my job to do these things. I try to do whatever I can for it to be easy on him.

#3-Finances. When I first made the decision to stay at home with Mali, it didn’t add up for me to go back to work. I wouldn’t have been bringing in that much money after paying for the quality of care we wanted for Mali, formula and gas to go to and from everywhere. However, now that I have my license I can work a few hours a week and make better money than having a full time in job in some cases. But I still gage that by the same things God showed me from the beginning: am I still able to provide the best environment for my girls when I work, am I able to breastfeed still, can I trust who I leave them with (if it is family then I’m very okay with that, especially their daddy because it has allowed for good Daddy/daughter time). Can I still make dinner and not contribute to craziness and running around? Right now, I do work to pay for medical co-pays, diapers…etc. Along side of finances, I try to make my job invaluable and to “make us money” by staying home. I try not to spend excessively or even shop beyond necessity. I breastfeed so we don’t have to buy formula (and it is wonderful too). I make my own baby food and baby wipes. I plan outings in the most gas efficient way. Yes some times it is very hard financially, but “things” aren’t nearly as important as my children. God has ALWAYS been faithful to provide for us and the biggest blessing was that we were never living off two incomes. We had only had my full time income and two months of Eric’s when I left to stay at home with Mali. We easily live on one income-a teacher/coach’s income at that! Thank you God!!!

#4-It is a short season! This was huge at the time. I remember listening to a Focus on the Family broadcast while I was in the shower and just bawling, because I knew what God was calling me to do. It was a panel of stay at home moms and they all kept saying it was a short season, and just for a season. Now I see the wisdom in that! The years were so precious that I had with Mali, but they flew by! She started preschool last year and I would never have thought that my time with her was so short, but it was. Really, at the most, you have 4 years at home with each child, depending on how you spread it out, so if Eleri is our last child (not sure), then I have four more years of staying at home which is really only 8 years compared to the rest of my life to work….soooo short.

So my advice to others, if God showed you to do this do it, if there is no reason to work financially then do this, you will be so thankful and see the fruit one day, if your husband supports it, do this! I obviously am working now, about seven hours a week. Sometimes it still breaks my heart to leave my girls, but I also know that part of my work now is a ministry that God has equally called me to and part of it is a beautiful time for Eric to spend playing with his girls. Working a few hours a week is a great way that I can now contribute to helping our family. I absolutely love staying at home with my girls and wouldn’t have it any other way.

If God showed you to work, then do it with all your heart. You are no where near a bad mother. Obedience to what God has called us to do is the best lesson for our children, especially when it isn’t easy. I know many Godly, well adjusted, smart amazing people that grew up going to childcare. It may make a difference in the short term, but doesn’t seem to in the long run. And for that matter, I have so many Godly, amazing, super loving mom friends that work. I know that they love their children just as much and I really believe that they may be better at balancing it all. I'm sure that with my personality I could not do it all well.

From Whom All Blessings Flow

I just wanted to take some time to praise God “from whom all blessings flow”. Two years ago, was my D&C. I haven’t memorialized this day or held on to, it is really just a day BUT I did want to just really praise God for how faithful He has been to us in those two years. Two years ago, I had NO idea what the future would hold for us with my molar pregnancy diagnosis, and I had in mind the worst that could happen. However, God did care for us during that time. Even though it was a difficult time, should I not accept difficult from God if I so readily accept blessings? Because truth be told MANY blessings came from that difficulty. Sweet Eleri Cate is one of those blessings. She is such a treasure to us, and I do not take it lightly that she is part of our family! So, Thank You GOD for healing my body and for blessing us with another child, among many other things!

Oh Mali

I thought I needed a little update on Mali. She is really doing good, just as smart as can be...sometimes that is great and sometimes it is challenging. Mali is pretending to speak Spanish and it is pretty entertaining. Uncle Brandon says that we need to expose her to as much Spanish as possible right now!:) The "Lizzy" doll that he gave her that speaks Spanish is coming in really handy right now. Mali loves to play. I've really enjoyed watching her play and giving her the gift of free time during the summer. We've been swimming a lot at the Town Club and playing on the big slide up at Paramount Baptist with her preschool friends. Mali absolutely adores her daddy! She wants to be just like him, even down to sleeping only in shorts! I've tried to explain to her that little girls don't do that, but I love watching how she admires her daddy.
On the other hand, we have been engaged in battle. Over the last few weeks, Mali has decided to go to battle with us. I'm determined to win, not in a bad way, but I really hope that if we establish ourselves as the authority right now, then maybe she won't challenge us as much in the future, and if she does she does, but right now I think it is vital that Eric and I establish our authority with her. After going to bed at night for four years with very little problems, suddenly we have been fighting nightly battles with her. She wants to sleep in our room. That is a big no no in my book, however we have let it slide on occasion when we've been so tired from having a new baby, hence the battle. This girl, once you give in ONE TIME, it is an expectation and battle after that. I have known this from the beginning and been strong enough to mostly avoid it, but then a baby came along! Some nights she has been disciplined over and over to no avail. Other nights she has been bribed, and she has even "complied" just for me to end up stepping on her when I get up with Eleri! Last night she went to her own bed and then ended up on the couch. Our other new battle has been eating. She has decided that she wants to have something different at dinner than what I have prepared for our family (never a healthy substitute I might add). This is also something on my list that is worth battling over. I never have fought her on how much she eats, but she will be served what the rest of us eat. On and off there has been some whiny-ness about eating what I make, but now it has become a battle. I'm determined to win, and hoping to get enough sleep to stay determined.
I love her so much! I love her beautiful blue eyes and sweet smile, I love that God made her strong-willed....He knows the future and He created her this way. I love that she is witty and funny, just like her Daddy. I love that she is asking questions and learning about Jesus. I love that she wants to be good, but it is just so tough! I love watching her relationship with her Uncle Brandon. I love the moments when she is a sweet, big sister. I am so proud of her heart to be a friend to every child! I love her love her love her, but because of her I know that when I AM WEAK HE IS STRONG!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

The most important decision

I wanted to blog about this so that I have these sweet, special moments documented. Because, really this is the most important decision our girls will make. In the last few months, Mali has begun to ask lots of questions about Jesus and what it means to ask Him "into her heart." We talk about how if Jesus isn't in our heart, our hearts are "ugly". I've done my best, or at least I hope, to explain what I can, while veering away from cliche, "Christian" terminology and really stick with Truth from Romans 10:9-10 "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Mali has had some fear that if she asks Jesus to live in her heart then she will die. I hope that we've talked through that enough though. The other day, Mali saw a picture of Nana being baptized in the Jordan River so we talked about baptisms. She also was able to see a few baptisms when she has gone to church with us. Anyway, that night she asked me when she would get to be baptized. I do not believe so much that this is a one time decision, but a daily, even hourly, choice to walk with Jesus and choose His path over her own path. She has also been wanting to "play out" the empty tomb and Jesus not being there. All of my play therapist friends understand the importance of this too. Mali will pretend to be the angel at the tomb and has me pretend to be a woman at the tomb looking for Jesus. Sometimes, Mali also pretends to be Jesus. That could be an entirely different post. Mali is not there yet, or at least I don't know that she truly grasps it, but the wonderful thing to know is that seeds are being planted all around her and she is interested! Most often it is when we are sitting down to eat lunch or breakfast (another reason why sitting down at meals is soooo important for families). I feel so inadequate and wonder if my relationship and love for Jesus really does show through to her, or just the ugliness in my heart; but I have prayed since I found out I was pregnant with Mali that she walk with God all the days of her life. And since I'm blogging about this, I also want to celebrate the decision of her best friends, Zach and Calyn, as they did ask Jesus "into their hearts" and have gone in front of their church to share their decision. So, any advice from you seasoned moms out there is also greatly appreciated. I've decided that I definitely need to be more intentional in having a daily time with her that we read scripture. But as my good friend Carrie reminded me, accepting Jesus as our Savior is all related to seeing our need for a Savior. We laughed at how we constantly fail as mom's and we surely can teach our children to turn to Christ because we can't do it and desperately need a Savior!:)

My Sweet Daisies!

While we were at the cabin over the 4th of July, we came across a beautiful grove (if that is the appropriate word) of daisies! Brandon took our family pictures and pictures of the girls. It was beautiful. I could have stayed there all day!

This is my prayer for my girls, that they would honor the King and know Him as Lord, who has created their beauty:
"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord". Psalm 45:11

From the mouths of babes...or one at least

Mali and I have spent a lot of time talking about Jesus in the last few months and she has asked a lot of questions, and hopefully I've answered them with wisdom.  Out of those conversations have come the following cute sayings:

We went to the doctor with Eric for his checkup the other day, and there was a cross section model of a heart.  She brought it to me and asked "So where is Jesus?" I tried to explain you couldn't see him in your heart, just feel Him in your heart. She then said "I think he's there is the web part."

The other night, her and Eric were reading, and she said "Know what my favorite book is?  It's the Bible." (Said very matter-of-fact.  And I wish that were really true for me and her!).

I won't include the OTHER sayings Mali has come up, I'd rather forget those.  But lets just say she repeats what she hears and is very honest!  It just reminds me that we can not take credit for the good in our kids, or we have to take credit for the bad too!  Everything good in both of my girls is through God and His great mercy!  And, honestly, the bad is probably my fault, or at least some kind of reaping what you sow from when I was a child!:) (Not really, I DO NOT believe God works that way.)

Home

Two years ago today, Amarillo became our home.  We packed up all of our belongings in our first home, closed on that house and made the drive to Amarillo.  It certainly was bittersweet.  But now Amarillo does feel like home, it doesn't feel like only two years that we have lived here!

 So in honor of our anniversary in Amarillo, here is what I like about Amarillo:

1. Quick drive to the cabin, which means we can go more frequently AND that we don't have to leave at 10am to come home.

2. Our neighborhood

3. Our house....we drove past our house in Lubbock last time we were there, and I have to say I don't miss what they neighborhood had become.  We are so blessed to live where we do!

4. Our flowerbeds in the front.

5. Hillside Christian Church and the kids ministry there (where we go to church).

6. Amarillo High Football

7.  The work that I get to do and how God has blessed me tremendously through it!

8.  BSA and my OB who was wonderful for Eleri's birth, and who also diagnosed my molar pregnancy and cared for me so well during that time.

9. Being so close to Brandon that we get to hang out with him nearly every weekend or just an evening visit.

10.  Dinners with Chris and Megan and how great they are to our girls.

11. ChickFilA (I think it is a better environment here than in Lubbock).

12.  Amarillo College kids classes...ballet is only about $40/semester....SOOO affordable.

13.  Although I don't have a plethora of friends here yet, I am thankful for those that God has brought into my life.  And quite honestly, I'm not sure I have all that much time for lots of friends!  

There may be more, but I think a list of 13 things is pretty good for a place that I thought I would hate!

Let Freedom Ring

We celebrated the 4th of July at the cabin again this year. It really is one of my favorite traditions, because I love the cabin and because we've been celebrating there for at least the last 18 years. Not many holidays were consistent for me growing up, but 4th of July was one that was, and I love it! Anyway, we drove up Thursday afternoon and stopped at Cougar Canyon Golf Resort in Trinidad, CO. It is a links course designed by Jack Nicklaus and Eric played as his Father's Day gift. We rode along with him and enjoyed watching him play. He will have to go back when he can play by himself and not worry about his 3 girls. We got the cabin late that night.

Friday, we enjoyed hiking around the resort and enjoying the cool mountain air. Brandon took some pictures of us and the girls in a beautiful daisy patch we stumbled upon. I'm hoping pictures in the daisies will become a new tradition as well. We got to eat lunch at the Dog Bar, another one of our new traditions. After that, the guys prepared for their annual entry in the parade. Again, Eric and Brandon dressed up, this time with the added moustaches, and Brandon pulled Eric on his skis. They were a hit again, and we enjoyed the parade. I heard several people commenting on their entry being their favorite! It is funny to see! I made the girls matching tutus, but of course Mali wouldn't wear hers to the parade! Eleri slept in my arms and Mali caught plenty of candy, especially from her Daddy. Mali was a little sad to not be in the parade this year, but we may have Grandpa convinced to enter with all his grandkids (something we used to joke-ingly talk about doing, and now there are 6 grandkids!) We enjoyed some time outdoors; playing in the stream, swinging in the hammock, and just taking in the beauty. Eleri did not sleep good at the cabin, or since we've returned for that matter, so I look forward to next year when she is a little older!
Lastly, this year, for some reason, I just realized that 4th of July is a time to celebrate freedom. I'm thankful for freedom as an American, but more importantly freedom as a Christian. I spent many years not walking in freedom and am so very thankful for the freedom that I have through Christ! I try to walk in this freedom each day!
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17




the above pictures were Terry's To see more pictures, look on my facebook.

"Clean up, clean up, every body every where.."

Clean up clean up, every body every where, clean up clean up, every body do your share! Well, Mali has not been doing her share of cleaning up her room. It has been a battle for a long time. I've tried spanking her, sitting in there with her, and even promising a large reward (AND following through on it). I've taken things away like going swimming, not playing with friends, and not going to the movie theatre. We've tried not allowing her to do anything until her room is clean and spanking her if she comes out. None of this has worked, and when it has worked it has only been temporary and has not motivated her to keep it clean. When I give her tokens for each item she picks up, that works, but I have to be in there and have to stay on top of her...not always possible between feedings and putting Eleri down for naps. I also tried making it a game of see how fast you can go, how much you can pick up in 15 minutes, and beat Mommy...none of these worked. Positive reinforcement definitely works better with Mali and I can tell that she gets so overwhelmed with how much she has to do, so she just lays around and cries. BUT, I want her to be intrinsically motivated to clean her room, but maybe that won't happen until SHE is 29!:) Yesterday, Eleri was taking a good nap and I was in picking up Mali's room with her and she wasn't helping, so I decided to heed the advice of several friends, and my dad, and take away all of her toys. I put some in the attic but most in their baskets in our closet. I took Eric's shoes down so the toys could fit. I thought that if they were visible to her, it could be continued motivation to keep her room clean to get them back. So in the process of me taking up the toys, Mali said "thats okay you can take them away and give them to kids that don't have toys", and "I don't want them anyway" and "here's this one, I don't like it anyway." AND, she scavenged the toys she liked and hid them in the living room. However, I took those away too. She was allowed to keep 4 toys...three stuffed animals and a Littlest Pet shop toy that was actually where it was supposed to be. So it pretty much didn't phase her. At one point she asked for Big Bunny because she needed to marry him, and I explained to her when she could keep her room picked up she could have him back first. She had a few tears, but that has been it so far. Eric asked if her room was now spotless, the answer is NO. She is also making a mess with clothes and is changing several times a day. While I was working, Mali changed outfits 6 times and got out a lot of books too. I'm trying to follow the advice of a friend...Mali gets two tokens to change clothes and once she uses the tokens she can't change anymore. I hope it works, but I'm sure when I go to work or feed Eleri she will sneak in a clothes changes.

So today we are headed to the movie theatre without drama, and I ask myself, "wouldn't it just be easier if she took the 10 minutes to pick up her room?"

Sorry grandparents for all the toys you've given her, they are taking a much needed vacation and will hopefully return soon!

Annual Review

I recently heard a speaker discussing the transition from working to being a stay at home mom. She commented that there is no data for stay at home moms to measure our job performance. Fortunately I stumbled upon such a review. Yesterday I was asking Mali to tell me what she likes about her daddy, and she said one thing and then quickly said "but I don't like...". First of all, she was in one of those moods, but I also wanted to see what she would say about me. What I'm going to blog in this post is pretty hard to share, the last thing I want to do is be a failure as a parent and I really do not like being vulnerable at all, but I want to share to 1. document it 2. be accountable to changing it, if no one knows then I might not change 3. parenting is hard, but through God's guidance we can make it and have well loved children at the end. So this is what Mali said, and I hope to make a habit of getting an annual review:
What do you like about mommy?:
When you play with me, read to me, that you're thankful for what you get, taking shower/baths together, when you be kind, when you calm down and stop saying ugly words, when I swing and you push me, watching movies like Narnia and Australia, when we have fun and enjoy spring.
Now its time for my rebuttable, or clarification. First of all, I think many times a day, I tell Mali she needs to calm down or that she is using ugly words or has an ugly mouth. Most often, she turns around and says "you're being ugly mommy" and I respond something like this "Mommy is teaching you and I'm being firm." However, I KNOW I need to change this and use sweet/kind words when correcting her or speaking with her after asking her this. I've already seen a huge difference in this and how she responds. When I talk calmly and without frustration to her and just sit with her and maybe hold her hand as I explain to her that I was trying to get Eleri to fall asleep and how she was being too loud, it works so much better than, to be honest, yelling at her to stop being loud! I'm sure I won't always get it right, but I'm trying to lean on the Holy Spirit to enable me to do so. On the other hand, I'm thankful that she enjoys things about me, but at the same time feel guilty because I haven't been doing them as often since Eleri's birth. There is always some reason that I can't push her in the swing or read to her. BUT, we have gotten to take lots of shower/baths together!:)

What don't you like about mommy?
Your sassy mouth, but you're just teaching me.
Going to Sam's

Now, I'm not sure who doesn't like going to Sam's....FREE SAMPLES. But apparently what adults like children don't always appreciate!:) Her other statement goes with what I was saying previously. Our mouths either speak life or death, and I tell her that so often in a day, now its time for me to speak life!!!

Finally, I asked her what she wishes mommy would do:
Have fun and not do anything else
Take me to SeaWorld and Disneytown.

I knew the materialism had to creep in there some where!!!:) And, my big observation is that it is all about spending time with her and focusing on her!

God help me to be a better mom, enable to me be wise and intentional with the time that I have and to give Mali quality time. Give me a mouth that speaks life and help me to calmly handle correction and take the time to sit with her and be sweet. Forgive me where I have failed and push me forward to do better through your power and strength. Thank you for the times that I have made Mali feel loved and for the sweet memories and moments that I had to make deposits of time into her life!

I can't do it all

After nearly 5 months with two girls, I've come to the realization that I can't do it all. Not even close! Every time I try, I fail miserably. Some times I come to this point with tears, with relief and most often exhaustion. I'm not sure how adding one child who doesn't even dirty dishes has added to me loading and unloading the dishwasher five times a day, every day, but it has and I'm there. I know that I can't do it all and will never be able to do it all, but I know and trust that God can do it all, or at least I remind myself of this truth. Sometimes that means that God gives me sustaining energy to get the tasks done, or answers my prayers for my time to be multiplied and my hands to be quick in the tasks that are before me. Sometimes that means that He washes me with His peace and assurance that I don't have to do it and my heart rests in peace as I play with my girls and teach them new things while the clean laundry piles higher and higher. I remember years ago meeting with a wonderful, godly woman who had an unmade bed, piles of clean clothes on the couch a passionate relationship with Jesus and well loved children. I say that I didn't judge those things, because I really didn't, but I didn't understand how one didn't have time for ALL of those things to be completed! I GET IT!! Oh do I get it and have become it, only I'm not sure that I can claim to match her passion for Jesus and love for my children. I remember the days that my co-workers gave me a hard time about how picked up and spotless my house was, and that seems like another person, an alter ego that existed long long ago. Now I've become the woman with food particles sprayed on my white cabinets from who knows when, because to be honest, I ignore it because there are so many other tasks to be completed, that matter more. I'm the woman with piles of clean laundry and I think "at least they're all clean". Not too big of a deal for me and the girls, but for the guy that can stand wrinkled clothes...it's a big deal!:) And, by the end of the day, it is not even close to apparent that I have picked up and cleaned Mali's room at least two times, unloaded the dishwasher, emptied the sink, made tea that is now empty, picked up the front room three times, changed six diapers, nursed my sweet baby six times, handled a few meltdowns, said no and stood my ground, spelled my name, Eric's name, Eleri's name and other words throughout the day, gave out hundreds of smiles, touches, hugs and kisses to my girls, fed the dogs twice, yelled at the dogs twice, got dressed, got Mali dressed in cute matching clothes, asked Mali to put her four different changes of outfits on hangers or in the dirty clothes, got Eleri dressed two times after spit up, prayed for patience, prayed for strength, prayed for God to sustain me, prayed for God to infiltrate me...and I could go on. I wouldn't trade it and am so thankful, but I'm so overwhelmed and though I've realized I can't do it all and know with all my heart God can, I don't know how to balance it all. When is it okay to leave things undone? What battles do I pick? How does my house get clean...okay I'll take presentable. How do I handle the constant mess of Mali's room even though I've already picked it up or in some way motivated Mali to get it picked up just to have it trashed in minutes? Is it okay that Mali vacuumed her room herself and got clothes from the washer to the dryer?:) How do I manage my home? How do we survive, and survive well, creating a happy home environment that every one likes to be a part of?
I just had to get this out, this post has been working around in my mind for weeks!

8 year anniversary

8 years ago today Eric and I were married! It makes me feel a little old, 8 years sounds so long, but also so short. In honor of our 8 year anniversary, I wanted to post 8 great things about these 8 years.

1. Our beautiful girls and how becoming parents has enriched and stretched our marriage.
2. Our fun adventures to places like Yellowstone and Yosemite National Park, Nepal, Red River, NM, trips to the cabin, Ouray, Colorado Springs...the list could go on, but I love taking trips together and look forward to celebrating our anniversary with a trip to San Diego in a few weeks.
3. That God has used our marriage to chisel away at me and sharpen me in an attempt to make me more like God (note: I am NOT there and will probably never be there)
4. Our projects that we've worked on together in making Amarillo our home. We really seem to do great when we do projects together, like our back patio and our flower beds.
5. That we have grown in these past 8 years through so many seasons; poor newlyweds in a tiny apartment, graduate school and college, our first home, pregnancies and babies, moving together for the first time and making a new home together, our first professional jobs, etc.
6. That we have learned to love what each other loves but at the same time accepted the things that Eric loves that I just never will, but that is totally fine with me (example: He loves golf, I will never play golf, but I love going to the course with him and riding along and enjoying the beauty of the outdoors. I also am totally fine with him going to play golf whenever he needs or wants to. I love camping, Eric probably never will, but he enjoys going to the cabin and being outside that way.)
7. This one may be too much information for some, so stop reading if you want to, I just have to include it though because it is something that I feel is really great. That we waited until our wedding day to have sex and we have gotten to spend the last 8 years enjoying the intimacy of marriage together!
8. That we are continuing on to more and more years together and have determined TOGETHER that we will stay married to each other no matter what.

This is not exhaustive and I typed it rather hastily, so there is much more to all of these things. Tonight we probably won't celebrate in a traditional way, I've never been much of a romantic and don't get hung up on celebrating today. Plus Eric has spring football until 8pm tonight. But we are going to San Diego (yes as a family) and will have an enjoyable dinner out there to celebrate. I'm going to convince Eric to watch our wedding video tonight (our tradition, but we didn't do it last year), I think we need to refresh our memory on our vows, and I think Mali will get a kick out of it.

Baby Dedication

Sunday morning was baby dedication at our church. It was so wonderful and sweet and special. Grammie, Uncle Brandon, MeeMee, Papa, Josh and Kisha, Megan and Chris, and even Mali were in the sanctuary to watch. Grammie made the girls beautiful matching dresses for the occasion. We do not believe in infant baptism, because we believe that Jesus said that baptism should follow each person's decision to follow Him as an outward profession of faith, so this is some what of the equivalent. I really believe it should be called "parent dedication" because if fact, Sunday, that was what we stood before the church and did...dedicate OURSELVES to raise Eleri to know Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior. Wow, what a huge calling. I know that I am unfit in every way to teach her to love Jesus the way that I would like to, but I know that God is fit to do so and hopefully that means she will learn about loving Jesus from us, but it also may mean learning it from other amazing people throughout her life. I wanted to add to this post part of the letter that Hillside gave each child to read when they make their decision to follow Jesus:

"May 10, 2009 was a very special day. Your parents stood before God, their family and friends at Hillside Christian Church to thank God for the precious gift of life and to commit to raising you in a Christian home. They pledged to 'bring you up in the nurture and instruction of the Lord, to teach you Scripture that will lead you to know Jesus Christ as Savior and lord, to recognize and encourage your talents and uniqueness and to love you as Jesus Christ loves you'. The gathering of family and friends of Hillside vowed to 'commit themselves to instructing you in God's word, praying for you, modeling Christ-like characteristics for you, and assisting your parents in training you in the way you ought to go'."

I spent moments throughout this past week asking God to help my heart be pure before Him during this time. I didn't want to "dedicate" Eleri as show or because it was what is done for babies. I wanted my heart to truly desire to be this way and to take very serious this commitment. I'm not sure I succeeded, I only know my heart desires this. Some days I'm sure I'll mess up, just as I've messed up with Mali, but God's grace covers all of this. I just thought of what Strap used to say "when you mess up, you confess up, you get up, and keep going." As a parent, and as a Christ follower, this is just what we have to do, because we will mess up. But some wonderful moments, I will honor God and will teach Eleri the little seeds she needs to know about the most fulfilling love she will ever know...the love of Jesus.

Sunday was also Mother's Day and my first Mother's Day with 2 precious girls. I am SO honored to be their mom. God has given me the biggest blessing in these two girls; from their sweetest to most difficult moments, I am blessed. I don't want gifts on Mother's Day, because I feel as if my girls are gifts, and being able to celebrate Mother's Day is a gift. However, Eleri did give me a full night of sleep last night!:) I'm so thankful for the hugs, the smiles, the moments when Mali is learning new things that I get to teach her but on the other side I'm very thankful for the opportunity to change dirty diapers, to get to hold my sweet girl or stare at her sweet body in the middle of the night, to have the opportunity to teach Mali right from wrong even in difficult circumstances. I'm blessed and so thankful for it. Mother's Day is a wonderful opportunity for me to reflect on these gifts God has given me and to re-evaluate my role as a mom and sort of boost me to persevere!