Thursday, June 18, 2009

I can't do it all

After nearly 5 months with two girls, I've come to the realization that I can't do it all. Not even close! Every time I try, I fail miserably. Some times I come to this point with tears, with relief and most often exhaustion. I'm not sure how adding one child who doesn't even dirty dishes has added to me loading and unloading the dishwasher five times a day, every day, but it has and I'm there. I know that I can't do it all and will never be able to do it all, but I know and trust that God can do it all, or at least I remind myself of this truth. Sometimes that means that God gives me sustaining energy to get the tasks done, or answers my prayers for my time to be multiplied and my hands to be quick in the tasks that are before me. Sometimes that means that He washes me with His peace and assurance that I don't have to do it and my heart rests in peace as I play with my girls and teach them new things while the clean laundry piles higher and higher. I remember years ago meeting with a wonderful, godly woman who had an unmade bed, piles of clean clothes on the couch a passionate relationship with Jesus and well loved children. I say that I didn't judge those things, because I really didn't, but I didn't understand how one didn't have time for ALL of those things to be completed! I GET IT!! Oh do I get it and have become it, only I'm not sure that I can claim to match her passion for Jesus and love for my children. I remember the days that my co-workers gave me a hard time about how picked up and spotless my house was, and that seems like another person, an alter ego that existed long long ago. Now I've become the woman with food particles sprayed on my white cabinets from who knows when, because to be honest, I ignore it because there are so many other tasks to be completed, that matter more. I'm the woman with piles of clean laundry and I think "at least they're all clean". Not too big of a deal for me and the girls, but for the guy that can stand wrinkled clothes...it's a big deal!:) And, by the end of the day, it is not even close to apparent that I have picked up and cleaned Mali's room at least two times, unloaded the dishwasher, emptied the sink, made tea that is now empty, picked up the front room three times, changed six diapers, nursed my sweet baby six times, handled a few meltdowns, said no and stood my ground, spelled my name, Eric's name, Eleri's name and other words throughout the day, gave out hundreds of smiles, touches, hugs and kisses to my girls, fed the dogs twice, yelled at the dogs twice, got dressed, got Mali dressed in cute matching clothes, asked Mali to put her four different changes of outfits on hangers or in the dirty clothes, got Eleri dressed two times after spit up, prayed for patience, prayed for strength, prayed for God to sustain me, prayed for God to infiltrate me...and I could go on. I wouldn't trade it and am so thankful, but I'm so overwhelmed and though I've realized I can't do it all and know with all my heart God can, I don't know how to balance it all. When is it okay to leave things undone? What battles do I pick? How does my house get clean...okay I'll take presentable. How do I handle the constant mess of Mali's room even though I've already picked it up or in some way motivated Mali to get it picked up just to have it trashed in minutes? Is it okay that Mali vacuumed her room herself and got clothes from the washer to the dryer?:) How do I manage my home? How do we survive, and survive well, creating a happy home environment that every one likes to be a part of?
I just had to get this out, this post has been working around in my mind for weeks!

3 comments:

  1. Good post! I am already worried about alot of those same things with the new baby on the way! How will I take care of a 1 year old and a newborn, do laundry for 4 now, keep bottles clean, keep house picked up, keep both babies happy, and in the midst of that go back to work after maternity! I know that the Lord is in control and only gives what we can handle! I will be thinking of you and praying for you! I am often reminded that all the little things I think need to be done dont compare to what it means to being a mommy and taking care of our children!

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  2. Tis' the stage we are in! One great tip someone gave me was to have "timer time" where you set the kitchen timer and give yourself 15mins to pick up as much as you can and then stop to play/take care of the kids etc..You could have several timer times throughout the day.
    Hang in there friend...it does seem to get a little easier :)

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  3. I think it's good that you came to that realization, that you can't do it all. I bet it was becoming so stressful and overwhelming when you were trying to do everything. I bet you will have more time to spend with your family and watch them and teach them as they grow. I'm sure it's so hard trying to let go of some things. I wish you the best Brie! You're a wonderful mother and wife!!!

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