Another day, another ultrasound

Today I had another ultrasound. I sure am high maintenance when I'm pregnant, I guess it makes up for me not being high maintenance in normal life!;) In the last two/three weeks I've been bleeding and so this was just to check on baby again. When the tech put in all my information, I told her that we still weren't really sure how far along I was but that if I could give her the date of conception that it would probably be right. Sure enough she said that #3 was measuring exactly with that date of conception. So without further ado, real due date is March 3, 2011 and I'm 8-9 weeks along. Only three to five more weeks of my head remaining in the toilet! Yes, I'm sick and exhausted. In fact today I took an hour long nap and wanted to sleep more! The mornings and evenings are the worst and evenings the most difficult. I really can't eat dinner at all or keep it down if I do. I can't stand the look, smell or taste of chicken and as I get sick off something, I can no longer eat that. The ginger beer is helping some but isn't full proof. Eric said he's willing to pay for a prescription of Zofran for me my OB will prescribe it. We will see. This sure is hard the third time around (and really the fourth since my paperwork reads 4 pregnancies. Can you believe I've really been pregnant four times?). It was wonderful seeing #3 on the screen. Especially since baby looks more like a...baby. Can you see the little legs? I saw the heartbeat right away. That always sends a shock of amazingness through me. Then we heard the good strong, fast heartbeat. It was at 170 this time. Everything with the baby looked good. The tech did say she could see evidence of bleeding around the gestational sac but with baby healthy and heartbeat so strong it wasn't a concern to her and probably something that will self correct. We are trusting God! I'm so thankful for this baby but had a realization/talking time with God. Since God had clearly told us to do this, I think part of me expected his blessing and favor on this pregnancy. In my mind some what translating into easy, fun pregnancy. Which it is not. Then God just showed me that just because I'm obedient or follow his path doesn't mean its going to be easy. Carrie helped me to see that even when Jesus told the disciples to go out on a boat, he KNEW a storm was coming, and told them anyway. And like we've been studying in church, Paul was absolutely in God's will but was imprisoned, beat, stoned...etc. So, with God's strength I will get through #3. The other night after being sick, I asked Eric to tell me it was going to be worth it. He was silent. But then said "in five years". Once again, I find myself saying, in two years this will be worth it. I see how funny and amazing Eleri is at this age and know that in a short season #3 will be at that adorable stage too.

Kindergarten Woes

The past few weeks Mali has started to become a little anxious about going to kindergarten. Some of her woes are that she won't be able to go to Wal-Mart with me any more and the more heart breaking one, that she won't be able to learn about God. During one of our kindergarten discussions, Mali said she was excited about going to kindergarten and learning about God. I made the mistake of telling her that she wouldn't be learning about God like she did in preschool. I should've have been more thoughtful when I talked with her about it. Maybe saying that we can always learn about God no matter where we are, because that is so true and I want her to know that. I received more of a "spiritual education" at a secular university than my brother received at a Christian college. Or maybe I could have said, "you can teach people about God." At any rate, I'm trying to make up for my careless words now. We have purchased a backpack and a few school clothes. Eric has made sure that his big girl well be well dressed and fit in as much as possible at Sleepyhollow. We still have to get school supplies, hopefully I will this week, and end my nightmares about it being 7:30 on the first day of school and Mali not having school supplies. I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to start having to pack lunches every day!!!! And how I will have to be thrifty and creative. I'm still unsure what to do about drinks and how to go about that the cheapest. I asked Mali if water bottles would work for her and she said "yes." We are used to eating leftover at lunch so this is going to stretch me. And, I realized, I will have to wake her up more than likely rather than let her sleep until she naturally wakes up. Not that she ever sleeps too late, but we will need to be prepared! Oh, the winds of change are blowing! On a positive note of this subject, we read in her Princess Bible about singing the song "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" but trading out your worry, so we've been singing "He's got Mali going to Kindergarten, in His Hands...". I love it and she loves it (I'm actually going to use that little technique with clients too!) I'm in prayer for this sweet big girl and know she will do fantastic. We each have our own worries and concerns.

Such a sweet sound

Today the girls and I heard one of the sweetest sounds...#3's heartbeat. I had another ultrasound today and everything looked great and sounded great. The heartbeat was at 117 for all of those gender predictors out there. No signs of problems at all. I have started throwing up but God just really spoke to me that it will be okay, this will just make me depend on him even more. And that I'm okay with. I might have to ask Eric to shower immediately after mowing the lawn and might have some extreme rage that the spicy chicken sandwich I ordered was not in the bag but regular chicken sandwich that I can not stomach was...but we'll manage!:)
Here is another picture!

GOALLLL

No, I did not watch even a fraction of the soccer stuff that was going on, whatever it was called!;)
I just wanted to share this so that I have a chance to come back to this one day, or every day for that matter, and to share with my friends too.
A while back, a friend had sent me this new blog, Inspired to Action. She has a free e-book for moms on how to maximize your morning. It has helped me so much, well until I got pregnant again!;) On her blog, she also encourages moms to make a mission statement. I hate that kind of stuff and always have. I hate setting goals and defining objectives, blah blah blah. It makes my head and stomach hurt and just feels like a waste of time. I just want to get to it. And, the reality for me has been that my goal is simply obedience to God. If he calls me to do something I do it, if he tells me no in an area I don't do it. Simple. God called me to stay at home to raise my kids during this season of life. I did it...do it. No goals or objectives needed. Except that I go to bed nearly every day with regret that I just didn't read to Mali or Eleri one more time (or any time at all), that I cleaned too much or that I didn't clean at all. Just loads of regret and guilt that having #2 seemed to exacerbate as I'm sure #3 will too. Then in the shower, which is for all accounts and purposes my real quiet time and time with God, I felt God talking to me about a goal and a mission statement for motherhood. I had read this post that day:
http://inspiredtoaction.com/2010/07/motherhood-and-identity-comparison-and-the-list-you-need-to-tape-to-your-forehead
So in the shower, God and I discussed what my mission statement as a mom should be. And here it is

To provide my children with a safe, loving environment at home where I teach them and help them to learn while also teaching them about loving God.

So now the past few nights when I've laid in bed and the guilt (the Enemy) is whispering in my ear, I can say yes today I was a good mom because I was home with them and gave them a safe place to learn. I taught Eleri how to say bubble and that once again that was a cat not a dog. I taught Mali a verse about arguing and complaining and helped her to understand to rest when her body was out of control with crying. Even though those were just a few moments in the long span of the day, I did "well" (which is even hard for me to say). This certainly does not mean I'm going to do the minimal job but that there will be days when there are moments and not hours that fulfill this statement and I won't bog myself down in the guilt that time is just slipping away from me and that my girls will not be raised well.
I hope this helps someone else that reads this blog too!

Triple Threat

In case you missed the end of my last post...here it is much more clear. We are Eric and Brie + Three! We are expecting our third child. I'm super super early and wasn't really ready to get it "out there" but a.) I'm showing (according to my dad and Terry I've been showing for about 2 months now. I'm blaming my previous pregnancies on this one and my Dr. Pepper consumption). And I'd rather be seen as "pregnant" than "fat"!:) b.) There have been lots of postings on Facebook about it. So to not withhold it any longer and so that I can explain it all myself, I'm pregnant.
Today I had an ultrasound because my pregnancy brain has already kicked in and I'm not really sure the first day of my last period. The pregnancy looks good so far. There were no signs of it being a molar pregnancy, which was and always is a concern. But after having a healthy pregnancy (Eleri), it feels much more safe. As you can see there is clearly a little bitty baby there. I'm still too early to see a heartbeat though. The sonographer was thinking that I was probably about 5 1/2 weeks. So we still don't have a due date but probably end of February or beginning of March. This baby will also be born via c-section which will mean #3's birthday will be about 10-14 days before my due date, whenever that is.
Now to my feelings that I so want so share. Before I was pregnant with Eleri, I felt that God just put it on my heart that we would not just have two children; a boy and girl and be done with it. Eric also has felt the same way. We both had decided that we would not prevent pregnancy after Eleri and just have our third as soon as possible. We didn't really want to be completely out of the baby stage and also felt like it would be easier this way. Not in a negative way, but we could have our last child and could just get on with our family. The pregnancy and baby stage just takes so much out of me. Back in early May sometime, we were driving down Soncy and Eric said that he felt that God had told him that it was time for #3. I was quiet for a minute and my heart rate probably increased exponentially, and I replied that I had felt that same thing from God. So, a month later we were pregnant. We are pretty much 100% sure that this sweet baby was conceived while we were on a marriage intensive in early June and will some how have a name in tribute to that weekend that has changed our marriage and our family forever.
Am I worried about having a third child? Absolutely. I'm not sure I do a good enough job with #1, and #2, but I have no doubt that God put this on our hearts and allowed this baby to be conceived. I feel such a peace with this baby. I would have loved to see a heartbeat today, but I have peace. I've had bleeding again, but I have peace. We only have a 3 bedroom house, but I have peace. Plus, I've also felt that if we had two same gender children that they should share a room. I think that it creates a humble spirit and diminishes the egocentrism, as in "that's mine, MY room, MY toys." God knows that at least our oldest certainly needs that spirit! I do, however, wish we had a sunroom/playroom/toy storage room. I'm excited about this though. It feels good remembering pregnancy and not being so far withdrawn from it (4 years between Mali and Eleri), but on the flip-side, didn't I JUST stop nursing and JUST start running diligently again??? My room is now stocked with Palmer's Stretch Mark cream and prenatal vitamins and I need to go ahead and make a trip to the attic to retrieve my freshly put away maternity clothes. There is just an excitement knowing this is our last baby and I just want to enjoy this pregnancy. Granted, I haven't started throwing up yet. I've had lots of people ask how I'm feeling. I haven't started throwing up but have been nauseous and just had food aversions. I have a huge chicken aversion and really starch and carbs are about all I'll eat. Decaf sweet tea is pretty good too. I've completely kicked my caffeine. I think I drank enough in the first few weeks for entire trimester before I knew! I'm pretty exhausted. That is how that I knew I was pregnant, or rather what prompted me to take a pregnancy test. I had drunk two large Dr. Peppers and taken a nap two Sundays ago and still could not shake the tiredness, so my $1 worth of peace of mind pregnancy test from Dollar Tree was purchased. I didn't think it would be positive. I took it really quick while Eric was gone and glanced at it. It didn't show up as positive right away. I heard the garage door and stashed it away. I didn't want Eric thinking I was silly for taking one, although he had thought I was pregnant any way and so had Mali (that weekend she had told my in laws I was. I said I wasn't I just had a fat tummy from having babies and drinking Dr. Pepper). Later that evening I remembered it and checked and sure enough it was positive. Eric was taking a final for grad school and I rushed my majorily disheveled girls and self (I had been cleaning all day) to Kohl's and bought a "Little Brother" onesie. I presented that and the pregnancy test to Eric. Eric was pretty happy and is very hopeful that this will be a boy. The onesie will remain with its tags on and will be given as a gift if #3 turns out to be a girl. I really wanted to tell Eric in a big way, but when he had got home he told me he needed help spraying weeds in the garden and that it was pretty toxic so the girls needed to be in bed. I thought that I needed to tell him before he made me spray weeds, otherwise he would have had more of a surprise and exciting way of being told. We told the grandparents this past weekend with the girls' "I'm the Big Sister" shirts. I think they were excited. My dad and Terry as mentioned before have "known" for about 2 months although I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. Eric's parents also inervertdendly found out when Eric texted his sister and unknowingly texted them.
I feel full and feel complete. We are living in God's plan for our family! This is still super early and the first trimester is a risky one. I'm fully aware that my blog posts about this pregnancy could go either way at this point. Even though it is early, and we haven't seen a heart beat, it is out there now...and I have peace.
So here we are....Eric and Brie + 3
"He gives childless couples a family, gives them joy as the parents of children. Hallelujah!" Psalm 113:9

He gently leads those with young

For once in the past week, I have not wanted to just crawl into bed. It could have been the effect of adrenaline coursing through my body from trying to catch a thief who had stolen a blower off of a landscaper mowing our neighbors yard early today, or it may have been because I just wanted to write and rest in what God spoke to me today.
There are two main reasons that I blog (which I’m sure I’ve referenced on several occasions whether for my own purpose or to defend my immense posts). The first reason is to vent and to share. I love sharing what God has shown me or even new things that I’m learning in hopes that I can just help others out there…other tired moms or women going through difficult times. I know so many times that I read other blogs that in just a sentence draw me closer to God, convict me and teach me. I want that for my blog. But this is where I’ve fallen by the wayside probably since Eleri’s birth. I don’t have the blogging time that I used to…pause for major interruption from my 5 year old (see what I mean? Even the quiet hours of the night don’t provide solace to blog.) And let me tell you, I’m so distracted. I can’t blog with any semblance of noise or interruptions from previously mentioned 5 year olds. I completely loose all train of thought. So with great sadness, this is what has been missing from my blog, but it hasn’t been missing from my life. This past year God has continued to speak to me and guide me in mothering. I have to strive much much more to find those quiet moments so that I can be with him and hear him, but I long for those moments. And, I’ve experienced God’s grace too. He knows where I am in life…not that its an excuse and I don’t want to use it as an excuse, but its His grace evident in my life and that loving Him and seeking Him is what matters to Him. I even told Mali today that God doesn’t care how we talk to Him just that we do talk to him. My second reason to blog has been to document the girls. I’ve even slacked in that area.
Tonight I came across a wonderful blog. It really encouraged me and has so many great quotes that just free me as a mom. One of my huge fears is failure and even before getting married I knew that I was terrified to get married and to have kids because I was terrified to fail but knew that I would fail. It was so gripping. And even though I was afraid of failing, it was love that has motivated me not to fail not that fear. I had that fear of failing because I love Eric and I love my girls and I love being married and love being their mommy and I don’t want to fail at it. I want to do my best and give my best and love them all through out their lives and leave them with legacies of love. Having a loving family and being a loving mom is success to me. But I feel bogged down and don’t believe that I’m succeeding too many times when my nights end with counting down the minutes until bed time and frustration with Mali not going to bed. Today I read this quote: "I tell myself this, that I can't go to jail over toilet bowls and there is grace and a smile behind all the ethereal veil and I can just rest. That God's will for a day is never to shoulder a burden but to come rest on His shoulder". I felt encouraged and hopeful and saw a fullness of God’s grace. And of course since this post was sooo good I kept reading the new blog I stumbled across. I won’t tell you that I was captivated by the blog and finding my place of rest while my girls were in the bath splashing every where and making a water slide. But don’t worry, Mali was holding Eleri while they slid down the side of the bathtub. Nope I didn’t do that, or maybe I did. And if I did, I was sitting right next to the bathtub and might or might not have the wet clothes to prove it.I read some one’s Facebook status the other day that said something to the effect of bathtime being a great babysitter.
After reading on , I read through this post. Can I tell you how much even more it encouraged me? Now this is what led me to write this post to begin with
"Isaiah 40:11….he gently leads those that have young.
I felt the strangling terror give way to realization. Motherhood does not require, thankfully, perfection. It simply requires commitment and humility.
He was not leading this Mother to be a Hallmark version of perfection.

But rather a committed, humble, real one.

Lord...let me sing the refrain this Mother's Day: Relationships cost. It is not that I won't blow it. It is what I do with it afterwards."

God will gently lead those that have young…He will gently lead me with my young…my young 5 year old that looks so big, my young 17 month old that didn’t stay a baby for long, and my young baby that is growing inside of me. Even though I will blow it, and have already blown it, even though I’ve blown it with my first, and my second, and I’m still having a third….God’s grace remains and he will gently lead me.

And I hate to end this blog on this note. I had intended to write ahead of time all that I was feeling about #3…but this will do for today.

Oh My Mali

Mali is just growing like a weed daisy!!! It seems like she has grown a foot this summer.  I'm not really sure of her actual measurements but it is close to 4' and she is several inches taller on the wall of the garage at the cabin since she was last measured at the cabin at Thanksgiving. This summer, Mali has started to read and write several more sight words.  I know she is so ready for kindergarten and for reading.  I love watching her write and her little brain work.  Mali has also started chores this summer.  She makes her bed and unloads the silverware from the dishwasher.  She also has extra little chores when neccessary too, like cleaning base boards.  Yesterday she helped me clean my bathroom.  Towards the end she wanted to finish it on her own and this is what she did.  In case you can't tell, she got items out of our baskets and put them in a line all the way around our sink.  It was pretty cute! Mali also loves to sit and color.  Yesterday alone she colored about 50 coloring pages and we had spent the entire morning at the Discovery Center!  Guess that is what happens when you don't nap anymore!  Mali also loves to pose for pictures and dress stylish. Mali has really been a delight lately.  I just look at her and see a big girl!

Just as an aside...blogger's editing has totally changed, and I am not a fan.