A little bit freaking out

I tried and tried to come up with a better title for this post, but it just didn't happen, and this title fits. The other day it hit me that next week I will be 6 months pregnant, which means 3 months to go, which really means about 17 weeks left until Eleri is born. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I have been very content with this pregnancy and not felt the desire to rush it at all, so maybe that is why it has now snuck up on me. If it were up to me, I'd just hang out in the 2nd trimester for a little longer (it has been really great). I'm excited for her birth, don't get me wrong, but I'm feeling inadequate and unprepared. We haven't even come close to deciding on bedding thanks to my picky husband:) (just kidding honey, sort of). Her "room" is still be used as my office (no big deal really), we haven't figured out where to relocate all of the office items in our previously large house that has now shrunk with the addition coming, her "birth" hasn't been paid for yet, we have no crib,....anyway the list of my worries could go on and on. But on a much larger note, I'm wondering if I can do this...another baby, plus having Mali already. I'm scared of spending my moments with Mali yelling at her or frustrated with her not napping when I need a nap so bad or pulling a "I need water, I need...." at bedtime. I'm not sure I can do it. Actually, I know that in my own humanness I CAN NOT do it effectively and as wonderfully as I know it needs to be done. The encouragement though, is that we are studying the Life of Moses in BSF right now and God has reminded me that He needs my obedience and not my ability! Good thing, because I'm pretty sure I don't have the ability. Moses had a failure to start off his calling (I've had several "failures" in my calling as mother with Mali and I'm sure I'll add some to the list this next season.) Moses argued with God about his calling (I might be there right now, "God are you sure I can parent a girl well enough, are you sure I can parent two, no I can't do it God). Moses was scared that he didn't have the ability (I don't have the ability, even though God has brought me LEAPS and BOUNDS in the mothering department, I'm still not the perfect mother.) But, I know the end of Moses' story...that God used Moses despite all of this and that Moses is commended for his FAITH and not all of his FAILURES. I just sometimes wish I knew the end of my story...but then I'd miss all the amazing mothering moments I have before me! (Like Mali calling out last night "Good-night Baby Eleri.") We have sweet moments ahead, difficult moments ahead (as two moms in two days have decided they need to tell me all about how difficult having two is), and moments we can not even fathom. I pray that I'll make it, that I'll lean on God and rely on HIS abilities and focus on being obedient and selfless. Pray for us in the meantime, for my love and attitude towards Mali, that I treasure and am wise with all my moments with her, an easy transition (its worth praying for and hoping for), and that Mali loves and cherishes her baby sister and adapts well to the change in family. Pray for me and Eric too, that we will be a team as we head up our castle of princesses!:)
Well, I need to go wipe my hormonal eyes!

We love Fall!

One of the top perks of living in Amarillo is being so close to the cabin. It is only about 4.5 hours from Amarillo, compared to the 6.4 it was from Lubbock. So this past weekend we went up to the cabin for a family get away. It was so wonderful to see the beautiful leaves, relax in the hammock, do nothing but eat and breathe in the mountain air. It was great time for our family. We relaxed a lot and enjoyed each other. Mali played outside and collected gold leaves. We got to watch the deer eat grass in the yard and ride the four wheeler around to look at leaves. Mali and I also went on a little walk Saturday morning. These were my special moments with my dad and a great memory I have. When I would go to the cabin, we would always take a special morning walk together, just us two and enjoy the outdoors and sometimes talk. It was fun to pass this along to Mali. Sunday when we got ready to leave, we stopped at Bear and Blue Lake and had a picnic lunch by the stream and let Mali fish. Since we didn't have a permit, we let her use her fishing pole with her pretend fish. She had fun with it, but kept wanting to catch a real fish. Next time we are going to try and fish for real, but we aren't sure that she is quite ready for the patience it takes. Those fishing moments make me miss my Grandpa and wish that he could have passed on his passion for fly fishing to Mali, but there is a good chance it is in her blood anyway!:)

See the rest of our pictures at
www.flickr.com/briegomez

We are having a....

Just quickly wanted to share what we found out at our sonogram today. I will blog/post pictures later when I'm done seeing clients (I'm waiting on one now).


64% of you that voted were wrong....


ITS A GIRL!!!!



And yes, Eric is okay, he is getting over the shock but we are both happy for a healthy, very active, baby girl and trust that God knows the best fit for our family.

Movements

I knew I needed to blog about this, because one day I will want to remember, just like I recently flipped through Mali's baby book to read about her movements. This baby has been moving for a couple of weeks, but really little movements. It did start out like bubbles again, just like with Mali. Probably this last week (17 weeks), I've really noticed that it IS the baby. This baby does not seem to move as much as Mali, which could be really nice. However, I could also be too busy to really take time to notice it. Pretty much, if I'm still, I'm asleep! Also, the baby is really low and the movements, right now, are really low. Another thing I've noticed with this baby, is that (wait just felt a little movement, how funny!!!) is that if I try to sleep curled up, I feel it moving. So, my perception of this (that I shared with Eric) is that to me it seems that the baby is almost saying "give me some space mom, don't cramp me!" Which, would be a baby more like its momma that needs her space. Mali does not need her space and from the beginning in the womb, was constantly moving and touching me. She is the same way now. I love my cuddle bug in Mali, but I wonder if this baby will need its space a little more! The countdown is here for our next sonogram ( 8 days), and when we find out the gender of this baby. We are ready to know, or think we are ready to know!:)

August 20th

A year ago, today was a very hard day for me. I spent August 20th of last year in day surgery having a d&c. But I am thrilled that God in His personal, detailed love for me, chose to replace that bad day with a great day. I had my regular OB appointment this morning. Everything looked great! Mali and I heard the heart beat, which is always such a relief. The baby was really low so it took him a while to find its heartbeat, but it was good and strong and he said the baby's movements (picked up by the doppler) were good too. I'm measuring a little small, but probably from the weight that I've lost from being sick. The doctor was concerned that I'd lost even more weight, but the great thing is that I've haven't thrown up in about a week, which is a blessing and I'm so thankful for that. So he was okay with me not taking medication or anything else, just eating whatever I can and want, as much as I can or want!:) (With Mali, my OB "prescribed" Blizzards every night...hmmm.) We will have a sonogram on September 10th and find out for sure what we are having and see our baby, I can't wait! I will go back to the OB every month, and that is another cool God thing. The 20th of each month has also been the day I had to get my blood draws to make sure the molar tissue had not returned, now that day is replaced with exams that we get to hear our baby's heartbeat. God is really so personal and amazing to me and so gracious. I look back at this year, and still don't know why everything happened to me/us, but I do know that the joy and contentment that I feel now is not because we are finally having a baby, but because of how God shaped me, brought me through that time, and ministered to me in this past year. Having a baby, being pregnant, having money, having a nice house, etc. is not where my joy or contentment lies, it is ONLY through Him. Life has been difficult, but God is not difficult, and has been with me, teaching me, holding me and ministering to me this entire time. And HE has chosen this time to bless us with a new Life in our family. I read through my blog from last year at this time and can just see how God was caring for me and for us. Overall though, I am SOOO thankful to have the bad memory of last year's date replaced with such a beautiful memory of our new baby.

On a lighter note, after my appointment, Mali and I went on a 'date' to the mall to pick out new, good quality earrings for her as she starts preschool. This was my "mommy gift" to her for her special day. I, being as wise and money conscious as I am, decided James Avery would be a great place to buy high quality, cute, long lasting earrings. And, assumed I could sacrifice the $20 they would cost for my big girl. Well, we chose earrings, but they do not cost $20, EACH earring cost that much! Uuugh! But it was too late. Mali looks really cute in them and we have told her that she has to leave them in and can't change them out all the time (which was my intent in buying her nice earrings anyway).

Also, this baby will have a cousin its same age. Jordan and his wife Chrissy are pregnant and due May 4th. It will be interesting to have two babies in the family at the same time.

Here is the latest "belly" picture of me at 16 weeks (4 months), with Mali being a great big sister already!

I need a case of Reed's Ginger Beer

"Behold, children are a gift from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward" Psalm 127:3
I read this verse while doing my bible study the other morning and God seemed to speak it over me and give me confidence in the reward that will come from the fruit of my womb. Little did I know that there was "fruit" growing in my womb. To cut to the chase, I'm pregnant. No, I was not cleared to get pregnant, and NO we were not attempting to get pregnant, but it has been 10 months since my d&C, 12 1/2 months since the miscarriage, and 14 months since I found out I was pregnant the last time. And, God in His faithfulness and blessing to our family has created a new, healthy little baby in HIS timing. Today I had a sonogram to make sure that I was pregnant and that it was healthy. Even though I am only at 6 weeks, there was a clear baby (well blob) with a rapidly moving heart beat (138 bpm). All moms and dads know how reassuring and wonderful it is to look at that screen and see the heart beating. We also got to hear the heart beat. The sonographer was the same one who did my molar pregnancy sonogram so she knew what to look for. We both are not naive in thinking that this means we are in the clear, but the first step is knowing that there is a healthy baby growing inside of me. So we feel okay sharing this with others, that I am pregnant, and that this is a baby. We trust completely in what God has in store for us and this baby. The tentative due date is February 9th, 2009, 13 months after my last due date. Praise God for this miracle, that Eric says is a boy. Mali is calling it a girl and wants to name it Abby Gray (Just like Zachy and Calyn's sister). Mali has been sweet about it today and just came in and "scratched" my belly saying she was tickling the baby. I'm surprised by her sweetness as well as Eric's loving care. He ran to the store to get me a six back of Reed's ginger beer (it is NOT alcoholic, just like ginger ale), but once again I'm having all day sickness and Reed's helps tremendously. Thanks for all of your prayers and support. I will keep updating our blog on our status, as I'm a little tired and sick and probably will not be good at checking my email. This certainly has been a journey and I'm amazed at where we stand today!
Brie, Eric, and Mali and baby

WHY???

Mali has officially entered the "why?" stage of development. It is pretty cute sometimes, but I often have to pray for patience and remind myself that this is her way of learning. Usually the frustrating part is when my answer to her why isn't good enough for her. The other night, we went through about 9 why's at bedtime. She had asked me to hang up a decoration on a nail up high on her wall, so I used her little girl chair and fell off of it. That was the start of the whys:
Mali: Why did you fall?
Me: Mommy made a bad choice by standing on that chair.
Mali: Why did you make a bad choice?
Me: Because you aren't supposed to stand on those chairs.
Mali: Why?
Me: Because you can fall.
Mali: Why?
Me: Because they aren't made for standing on, just for little girls to sit on.
Mali: Why are they made that way?
Me: (This is the answer that usually ends the whys, and I use it a lot, usually more thruthfully than this time) Because God made it that way.
Mali: Why?
Me: That is how he decided chairs should be made.
Mali: And God made animals, and Aspen and Asa, and Mali and Mommy and Daddy, and our house.
Me: He did.
Mali: Who made God?
Me: (I'm in shock as I wasn't expecting this at 3, maybe later, but not at 3.) God.
Mali: (this was said VERY skeptically) God made himself??
Me: Yep.
Mali: God made himself?
Me: He made himself.
Mali: Oh. Night night, I love you!

This whole time Eric was hiding behind the couch to scare me as I walked back to our room, and he was laughing so hard. I can only imagine how funny the whole ordeal sounded, especially when I fell off the chair.