Results from 12/20/2007

I received my results from this month's blood work and they are negative! Yeah again! Each month I worry and expect the worse. I really prepared myself, again, for bad news and God was again faithful to heal my body! These last few days have been a little rough as my due date was January 6th. A friend who was due the same day is going to have her baby any day now and it has made me think about it a lot. I know we are going to be just fine though and that God has a bigger plan that what I can see right now. It has been hard to think that we could be having a baby today! But at the same time I can't imagine having a baby today! Thanks for your continued prayers!

Another appointment

I had another follow up appointment to make sure that the molar has not come back today, and praise God again, everything is still normal. I did talk with my ob again about getting pregnant again and she was pretty firm that we needed to wait until I was cleared on September 1st, 2008. As she put it, you're only 4 months into it now! She asked me if we were ready again which made me think. In a way I feel ready physically, but also terrified of what lies before us. I'm not sure though that I can ever say that I'm ready to get pregnant, that has to be God. Clearly, I do not know what is best, but He does and sees the big picture. So, my appointment was great but also discouraging to be reminded that Sept. 1st is the only time it will be okay to get pregnant.
Another praise is that God has provided me friends. Yesterday two of the women that are in my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) Group came over with their children and we had a little Christmas party. I was hesitant to attend BSF since I was in a new city, and my fear was this, that I would not meet any young moms if I were to go to BSF. Isn't God amazing, and He does know best! I have met new friends, young moms, through BSF. One of the moms even watched Mali for me while I went to the doctor. Mali also has a friend through this moms daughter. God has been faithful to care for me and bring me under His wing since our move to Amarillo. I certainly miss my friends in Lubbock and they will never be replaced, but after such a short time I can say that I have friends, I don't want to take that for granted.
Thank you again for your prayers!

Quote

I came across this quote that I had written down almost a year ago. I think God intended for me to find it today. It has been one of those days that I'm very discouraged by my abilities at...well...everything, especially parenting. Maybe that is the reason for so many posts today!:) So, I wanted to share this quote and hopefully encourage others.

"We are designed to function poorly, to feel overwhelmed and alone apart from our relationship with Jesus. We are made to be lost without God."
Angela Thomas Guffey
from Tender Mercies for a Mothers' Soul (highly recommended this book)

Isaiah 61

These verses are really ministering to me so I wanted to post them for others to read:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:1-3

Content

Just a quick update to let everyone know that I'm feeling much, much better. I finally feel that I'm getting over the miscarriage/surgery stuff. I'm also healing emotionally. The last few weeks I haven't even really thought of having another child right now, and when I do I feel contentment with what God has for our life right now. I believe that God has really enabled me to focus on right now and to be realistic about how hard a new baby would be any way, and so I'm just enjoying our time with Mali. Seeing other people with baby #2 can be hard, but I do feel content. I know that this is all God. I also think being content with whatever we are given in life, like Paul said, is a major call for me as a Christian (although I don't always do it day to day, but hopefully in the big picture I can be content!). I'm still adjusting hormonally, but think I have probably returned to normal. I'm experimenting with another form of birth control and was sick to my stomach all night again, but hopefully this will past...oh and I lost my voice. It has made parenting just a little more hard, Mali doesn't get it and keeps saying "I can't hear you!" (I think I've said that to her a few too many times). Just wanted to give an update and give credit to God for healing my heart and making me content! It is a huge weight lifted and feels good to be happy. Thanks again for your love and prayers.

Not smelling like fire

The past week has been a little difficult to rise above my circumstances. Part of the problem is receiving bills for surgery. Especially when it cost what having a baby would cost (not quite, but that is what my mind is telling me). I'm finding that I'm having to spend a lot more time and effort taking captive my thoughts and feelings. I'm not sure if it is hormone related (I think it is), but I am struggling with being upset and just having to fight it, or ask God to fight it is more correct. I am really trying to rest in the sovereignty of God. The chapter that I'm reading in "A Life Well Lived" has been focusing on having poise during difficult times, and believe me, that is what I'm trying to do. I'm not sure that I'm really succeeding right now. God has reminded me of the Daniel study that Beth Moore wrote. She talks about how Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego came through the fiery furnace and didn't even smell like fire. "v. 27 and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them."(see Daniel 3) I suppose that is part of the greatest struggle right now; to go through this fire, which is actually sometimes daily small embers spit off of the larger fire in my life, and yet to not smell like the stench of the burn. I know that I have such an opportunity to choose to breathe life or breathe death from this experience, especially as I come in contact with new people and share my "story". At this point what I know is that I have to expose myself to God in some form, scripture, prayer, music, worship, anything on a daily basis, or else I will not succeed in not smelling like this fire.
I also wanted to share a quote from the book (I will say again, you need to get this one!!):

Ecclesiastes 8:6 "For there is a proper time and procedure for every delight, when a man's trouble is heavy upon him."

When my life is burdensome and my heart is broken, I need to remember that there is a proper time and procedure for every delight. There will be a time when this trouble is gone. There will be times of laughter. In God's purposes, there will be a time when everything is turned upright again.
So if you have trouble that is heavy on you right now, know that it is all in the sovereign purposes of God. Change what you can change. Be wise. But in what you can't change, rest in the sovereignty of God.

Also, one of my very best friends shared this verse with me. I hope she doesn't mind that I shared it on the blog. It was so appropriate. I continue to be amazed at how scripture really is new every morning!

It made me think that God knows what we need, when we need it, and He is gracious to fulfill our desires with an "open hand". Hope that makes sense, but I guess the verse can speak for itself! "The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing." - Psalm 145:15-16

On a much lighter note, football season at Bonham has begun. Eric won all four of his games in the past two days. A major cold front hit right before the 7th grade games on Monday and it has been perfect football weather ever since. We have had fun enjoying what we can enjoy and celebrating with Eric! So to add to my list of "likes" about Amarillo, the middle schools do not play at stadiums, just on the fields outside of the school, which makes life much easier with a 2 1/2 year old running around. I watched more of the games than I've watched since she was born (and maybe before that since I'm new and have no one to socialize with :) )

A little convicted

After my discouraging day and my last post, I went and read "A Life Well Lived" and this scripture was in there. I had to share it, because it really put things in perspective for me. It doesn't make this easier, but reminds me to trust God. And, if you haven't bought this book yet...DO IT!:) I think it should be required reading for everyone!:)

Isaiah 40:13-14

13 Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor? 14 Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding?