Best Friend

Proverbs 17:17 NIV
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 18:24 NIV
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

This weekend my BEST friend, Carrie, came for a visit. We have been friends since my freshman year of college at Texas Tech. She was a freshman Challenge leader at nine30 and a sophomore. God has used her so mightily in my life in the past 11 years. I am so blessed by her love and friendship. I had known Carrie through Challenge and I think she gave a ride to some Challenge event, but then how we began "bonding" is a funny story. I was at nine30 (in the service) and we turned around to greet people, and when she turned around to greet me I just started crying and said "I got a tattoo". I had gotten my tattoo the night before, and although I love it now, I was worried about certain repercussions at that point. After that, our friendship was sealed, and she was drawn into the drama of my life!:) Carrie is the type of friend that always tells me what God wants me to hear, NOT what I want to hear, and spurs me on in my walk with God and encourages me every time I talk to her, even though sometimes what she has to say is hard to hear, I'm always thankful for it. She is an amazing friend to everyone around her and has walked through a lot of things with me and stood by my side. This weekend was no exception. Although she had her own baby (5 month old Claire bug) who was having sleep issues, she watched my girls so I could take a few naps, swept my floors, prepared us 3 meals and froze them, loved on Mali, gave me spiritual advice, listened to me, gave me advice on parenting Mali, etc., etc.,!
She has been wonderful throughout my life and really has been a step ahead of me in most things in life; marriage, job, etc., Although I did have my first child before her and finished my master's before her. One thing I love about our friendship too, is that she just gets me and thinks similar to the way I think. We both had our undergrad in Family Studies and then went on to get our Master's in Counseling, so we are really on the same page and skip past lots of explanations. I just had to post about how much I love my friend and how much she has meant to me. This is a little muddled though, I've been up since 5:30am!! I wanted to post one of our first pictures together, Mission Trip 1999 where we forced Dan to take our picture in Hollywood in front of a stretch limo, but I think it is in the attic, so here is another picture of us on Mission Trip the next year and a picture of our girls. We were too sleep deprived to take a decent picture of ourselves!:) Although, Carrie did get one in the car on the way to the airport!:)


I am also super blessed by my other friends, Beth and Melissa! Who have also cleaned my house countless times, cooked for me, listened to me, loved on Mali, and even took care of me when I was throwing up!:) Yeah for friends that God gives!

Eleri's Birth Day

I finally have a few moments while Mali is gone to ballet and Eleri's is napping, to blog about the "big day". I really just want to get it down before I forget everything and so that one day Eleri has her arrival story. The delivery actually went so well and 100 times better than my delivery with Mali.
I woke up that morning and knew I had to put TRUTH in my heart and mind to help calm me through the whole experience. I read Psalm 145 and Psalm 121. The words in Psalm 121 were what I kept saying over and over to myself "my helps comes from the LORD."
We arrived at the hospital around 9:30 and were put in triage to get ready for the c-section. I was having a few contractions and was extremely anxious to just get it all over with. I probably should have asked for something to calm me down, because inside I was just going crazy thinking about it all. Eric handed me his iPhone while they wheeled me to the OR so that I could listen to "Be Thou My Vision" to be okay (he downloaded it while we were waiting in triage). About 11:45am they wheeled me into the OR. At one point, while I was waiting in the OR, I just thought "okay I can't do this, I don't want to do this." But it all went well and God answered so many prayers and details about the whole day. The spinal went well, at first he poked me and shot shooting pain down my leg, but then stuck me again and got it. I haven't had any pain with that at all or headaches, so praise God! The spinal was so much better than the epidural. I just felt the usual tugging and pulling and just the anticipation for her birth. I remember my doctor saying "there's the head" and feeling like it took forever for her to actually be born. She was born at 12:20pm, so in fact the c-section was really quick. I loved hearing her cry, it was sort of like a cat, just lots of little cries and complaints. Eric did great and got to cut the umbilical cord. He said it was actually pretty hard and felt totally different than what he expected. I asked him what she looked like and he said something like a baby covered in baby powder, because she was all white. I got to give her kisses and just see my beautiful girl. I was relieved and happy to see her. More answered prayers. When they were sewing me back up though, I did start to loose a lot of blood. My doctor found a spot where the placenta had started to grow onto my uterus and had to work hard to get that off. At that point, he told me that if I didn't stop; bleeding I would need to have a hysterectomy. I felt total peace at his words and trusted God to be in control of the situation, but prayed nonetheless. They got the bleeding under control and sent the tissue to the path lab. We will get the results from that hopefully this week. But I do ask you to pray. There is a chance it is just a consequence of the D&C I had or could be more molar tissue. I felt great though, compared to last time. Eric said it just goes to show what a true miracle baby Eleri is. Also, when I was getting ready to post this, I was thinking about why it might have been God's plan for me to have a c-section instead of delivering vaginally, and I felt like for whatever reason, it was because of this tissue that I was supposed to not deliver vaginally. Anyway, back to the story, I was shakey, but other than that I was fine. I was alert and had clarity of mind the whole recovery. The best part and my favorite part of the day, was when they brought Eleri to me in recovery. She was so beautiful and her eyes were open and alert. I just fell in love with her sweetness and beauty and just her being our baby. I got to nurse her and it went amazing, no problems at all!!!! She is a "champ" like Eric said. We had some sweet moments and got to spend time together (Eric too). They then took her to get a bath and I finished up and headed to the room, still feeling pretty great. I was so happy to see everyone and to see my other beautiful girl, Mali. Mali did not want to kiss Eleri because she had "chicken nuggets on her face". We still are not real sure what that was, but I'm guessing part of the white stuff she had on her since Mali saw her on the way to the nursery. When they wheeled me into the room, the first thing Mali told me was "Daddy lied" because we had bought her "The Jungle Book" DVD as a gift from baby Eleri, she finished by saying "and Baby Eleri is just a baby, she can't buy me a present." So I explained to her that she was right, that mommy and daddy picked it out and bought it for her. I was glad I was coherent to answer that one!:) Mali is just too smart! I was a little tired and did end up getting sick and really really hot (just reactions to the morphine in the spinal and because it just seems that I do that to Megan, Beth and Melissa:)), but once the nurse realized I was getting sick because my head was elevated above 30 degrees, I felt much better. I had a good night and no more bleeding problems or sickness. We just got to share and enjoy our new baby girl. Mali did great and hung out in the room for a while, she wasn't as interested in Eleri the first day. I just LOVED the look in her sweet little eyes when she came to the room at night to nurse (no we didn't have her room in, although I thought I would this time.) We enjoyed the added rest, but I did cry when Eric wheeled her back down to the nursery. We just adjusted and enjoyed this time around so much more. God was and is so faithful. Saturday my doctor came in at 6am and was ready to release me. We didn't have much of a choice, but Eric thought maybe we met our deductible so they wanted us out!:) The nurses and staff were so great to us. I wasn't quite ready to come home, so we pushed it to late afternoon. Eric was gone that day to a soccer game from about 8 until 2pm, and when he came back we packed up and checked out. We tried to get Eleri in her car seat before we carried her out so that we could get the straps adjusted right, and she would not fit! She was so curled up that her arms and legs would not go where they were supposed to. She was just a little ball of cuteness and coziness. It was pretty chaotic leaving the hospital with all of our stuff in tow, Mali and a bouqet of balloons on a windy day and our entourage. It felt good to get in the car and just breathe. We were thankful to have all day yesterday at home before Eric went back to work today. We were so blessed and continued to be blessed by prayers, meals and service! My mom did so much for us by stocking our pantry, cleaning and just preparing for our arrival home. Mali got lots of grandparent time with MeeMee, Papa, Grammie and Nana and Grandpa. She was spoiled and loved on by Aunt Megan and Uncle Chris and all the visitors that brought her a little present too. Thank you guys so much.
So how is it going now? It is great. I feel so great, I'm in a lot of pain and keeping that under control is my only issue. Eleri and feeding are going great. We have lots of poopy diapers, but are thankful for them. She is beautiful and great. Eric is enjoying getting to hold and cuddle with his two girls. He is doing amazing as a Daddy of two girls. Mali is doing so great too, and I will blog about that next, but I have to go change one of those aforementioned diapers!:)

There are so many pictures, that I can't put them on blogger, but they are on Facebook, here is the link, I think you can access it even if you don't have a Facebook account.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=88882&l=287b4&id=620254096

Carschooling

Carschooling-"the act of teaching while driving in the car, similar to homeschooling, but for those on the go." We have had several car schooling moments the last few days and I just had to share how smart our little/big girl is!! There must be something therapeutic about the moving car that, on occasion, can really get those brain cells going. Yesterday, we were on the way to Eric's soccer practice and I was talking with Mali about something like "you can do that if you want". And she exclaims "You put that in the can and I can go to Daddy's work. They are the same." So we talked about that. Then a few minutes later she said "And, you say no I don't want to do that and I know." I was so proud! I tried to throw in "Apples are red and I read Pinkalicious to you", but she wasn't quite ready for that one. Last night after teeth brushing time she said, "Mommy. Gum that you eat and my gum" (Yes, Mali does eat gum, that is the most accurate description of what she does with gum!). Then today she added "Mommy! I see you and I write a C". I know that there is a grammatical word for what these are, but I just can't think of it. I'm just amazed at her little brain. I asked her where she learned this and she said "I just figured it out." Also, the other night we were driving to pick Eric up from his soccer tournament and the moon was full (the largest full moon of the year) and she proudly said "the men got a ladder and climbed up there and put the batteries in and that is why it turned on." I love the childlike answers that she comes up with! We talk a lot about God and the world He created too, she is just so curious it is wonderful, but usually does not like the answers I give just the ones she came up with! Just wanted to share about our big girl. She is doing really great these last few weeks too. She loves playing with her dollhouse and her bears. She especially likes to dress them up and take them EVERYWHERE with us, and not just one but about 5. I'm letting her because I believe it is her way to play out all the changes that are going to occur in her life, and if she can mother/nurture a bear while we are caring for Eleri, all the better!

A little emotional

I wanted to wait until tomorrow to post, as I have a doctor's appointment, but felt that the emotions I'm feeling needed to come out...I needed to vent so that I don't spend all night crying. Nothing is wrong, everything is great, it is just super close to life changing. I'm sad thinking about Mali and that I'm on the threshold of no more moments with just her, I'm sad thinking about the times I've snapped at her in the last 9 months and more recent days/weeks. I'm tearful (in a happy way) at the sweet sweet moments that God has given me with Mali in the last few weeks; sitting and reading books again and again, cuddling as we watch Jon and Kate Plus 8, talking about when Mali was a baby, bubble baths consisting of "snowball fights", hearing her laugh when I tickle her (when I actually take the time). I'm nervous, okay a little scared, about having the c-section and all the unknowns, although I have perfect peace that God is going to hold me and take care of me. I feel like crying over all the relationships in my life, some in a good way and some in a sad way. I miss my brother, who is in Nepal for a month, and really wanted to pick up the phone and call him last night. I want to cry each time Eric leaves town, because I need him and his daughters need him. He is THE man (the only male) in our household and we need his strength and love. I'm sad that I'm done counseling but also happy and relieved that today was the last day that I had to leave Mali in less than ideal circumstances to come work (she is lying on a soccer field on a picnic blanket, bundled up and watching her portable DVD player while Eric holds soccer practice). All of these things make me want to cry. It doesn't help that I just listened to one of my favorite hymns. What makes me want to cry the most is thinking of the words to this hymn, and what God has done for me in my life. How He rescued me from a yucky life and took me as His own. Even though my heart is prone to wander, and not trust in His provisions or His good plan, He STILL loves me, more than anyone and better than anyone EVER has! He forgives me when I'm a bad mom, when I cry out to Him for help and confess that I yelled at Mali for such a silly reason. He loves me and he loves my girls and He is going to get us through this, and not just surviving but living an abundant life!
So long post to say, here is a video of the David Crowder Band singing "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"...the lyrics are on the video too, so read them!:)
And I end, crying, but crying out "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing...."

The LORD is near

Exactly three weeks from today, we will have a newborn. I hope that at this time then I will be holding her and out of recovery! It is amazing to think, I can't quite fathom it right now...three weeks....THREE WEEKS....three weeks!:) I just had to share what God showed me today during Bible Study. We are studying Exodus/The Life of Moses. Exodus 33:14-15 were verses we studied this week and oh how appropriate!! That is so how God works in my life and how much of a personal God He is!
"And He (GOD) said "My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest". Wow!!! I NEEDED to hear that! Yesterday, Mali came out of her room from nap time/room time twice to have me help her dress a doll. I thought "how am I going to do this when I NEED nap time". God gave me an answer!:) Then Moses' response was "If your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here." I feel the same way and need to cry out to God the same thing....If You don't go with me, I don't want to enter into this new chapter of parenting/life. It was a great reminder to lean on God and rely on Him. The verse that the kids were taught today was Psalm 145:18 "The LORD is near to all who call on him". You better believe I will be calling on Him!

Uneventful!

Today was the beginning of my weekly visits and it was very uneventful. I was prepared for something, but nothing! Which, no news is really good news. Apparently if you are a repeat c-section, my OB does not even check to see if you are dilated. So we listened to Eleri's heart beat (154) and measured me. I'm right on target, which is great because I was measuring behind about a week. I never found anyone that was able to donate blood in my name, but my OB seems to think I won't loose as much blood this time since I won't labor first. Really, I feel a peace about it and know that ultimately God is the one in control of all of this. I've tried exerting control over the circumstances I think I can control (Blood donors, knowing if I'm dilated,etc.) but God clearly wants me to trust Him in these matters! I'm feeling pretty good, just big and tired, but trying to be patient and enjoy the moments that I have left before life gets more complicated, although more wonderful. I am a little nervous with Eric's soccer schedule. This weekend he is going to be in Coppell (Dallas area) on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I NEED him to be here for a c-section, but another area to trust God. Our tentative plan is that if he needs to come home, he will try and get a flight home as Coppell is pretty close to DFW, and flying would be quicker than driving. If I go into labor and then have a c-section, I think Megan will go in there with me as she is the closest relative and most experienced in the OR anyway (for her job). I know it will all work out and is highly unlikely that anything happens this weekend, but my pregnancy state NEEDS a plan!
The list of to-do's is trickling down too. Eric was an awesome dad this weekend and pulled out all that we need from the attic. He found a missing box of 0-3 month clothes for me (which helped ease some anxiety) and got down the swing, bouncy seat and car seat base. He even put the car seat base in the car. I wasn't quite ready for that, but better to be prepared. I was just thankful that he did so much so willingly. So, her clothes are washed and her room is ready, we are just waiting on her on that end. I was amazed at the memories that we have of Mali in most all of the outfits I washed. Those first 3 months are certainly priceless and special, maybe that is what gets you through the difficulty of the first three months!! I still have some of my own little projects to work on. Today Mali and I made her "Big Sister" shirt together so Mali is ready for the hospital trip!:) And in the middle of all the hectic-ness, we've decided it is a good time to refinance our house! Are we crazy!!! I think so, but it will help us have the extra monthly income for diapers and pediatrician co-pays that come along with a newborn!
Mali seems to be doing well and understanding a little more. We've had more talks about how she is going to have to ride in a separate car to the hospital and that one set of grandparents will be staying with her while we stay at the hospital. She is having some issues, okay major issues, with being sassy and disrespectful to us. I'm a little overwhelmed with how to curb it. I asked her preschool teacher about it today and her teacher said that when she calls Mali on it, Mali usually says sorry, but did say today "I want to be the teacher one day". We laughed at Mali's personality being so strong willed and independent. She just thinks, I mean "knows" she is right!:) It is good to laugh about it, because lately I've just wanted to cry about it! Eric and I joked last night that maybe dealing with Mali's behavior right now will make having a newborn seem easy! I'm looking forward to watching Eleri's personality, because we can look back and see how as even a newborn Mali was pieces of who she is now; stubborn, high maintenance and strong willed! But we loved her so much and still love her! I'm excited for what God is going to do with our family!

Rejection

It seems the larger my belly grows, the more Mali is pulling away from me, and to not put it so nicely (but honestly) rejecting me. Part of it is so good and appropriate. I'm thrilled that she is getting to do some fun things with her Daddy and spend more time with him. To be honest though, it has been really really sad. She makes ugly faces at me, sasses me, disobeys me, cuddles only with her daddy, showers with her daddy, only wants daddy to read to her and sing to her at bedtime...the list could go on. Some of it is nice and will be helpful as we make the transition to a baby that needs me to feed it, etc. but I guess I just didn't see it being done so hatefully! Needless to say, the last few weeks have been a little sad, and I've found myself crying more and just missing my baby girl! I'm sure the hormones play a part too, and once life settles down (does that happen?) we will re-establish a close, loving relationship. Change is always hard because it is new and different!